When you’re pregnant or expecting for the first time, it’s easy to be bamboozled by the marketing schemes aimed at clueless new parents. There are so many products with so many great reviews that it’s easy to start thinking that your little one’s sensitive new bottom totally needs wipes that are warmed by more than your hands.
Hint: they totally don’t.
My stupid first-time mom purchase? A delivery gown for the hospital. While I did use it postpartum, I now know how ridiculous it would be to wear anything you’d like to keep during the labor and delivery process. And also I now know that you are 90% naked for the final hours and could not care less. So…
While there are lists upon lists of “essential” baby items floating around out there, we’ve got a simple article full of products that will absolutely, positively do nothing but gather dust once the baby is home.
10. Pacifier Sanitizing Wipes
Bought ’em. Used ’em for about a month until I gave up cleaning the paci that hit the floor unless it was in a very public, nasty place. If that happens, regular wipes, face wipes, or a quick swipe under hot water will do the trick just as easily.
9. The Pee-Pee Tee-Pee
I didn’t know this was a thing until right this second, and I have an infant son. A regular baby wipe over the area of concern will do you, but if you expect to come out of raising a boy without getting peed on, your expectations may need a slight adjustment.
8. Knee Pads
Guilty, y’all. I just looked at my son’s squishy knees and my hardwood floors and thought “yeah, I need those!” Ha. They’re sitting in a drawer because even after I squeezed them on my kid’s chubby legs, they stayed put for a hot second. Skip.
7. Baby Bedding Sets
Blow your cash on some soft, well-fitting sheets for the crib and pack-n-play. They’re not allowed to have a single other stitch of bedding in there with them until they’re about two, anyway.
6. Walking Helpers
Your kid will walk when he or she wants to, and trust me, trying to get a baby to do anything before they’re ready is a recipe for downing an entire bottle of wine after bedtime. Relax, and enjoy not having to baby-proof higher surfaces. Yet.
5. A Single Purpose Changing Table
A pad atop a dresser will do, and my extra advice is to stash diapers and wipes in every room where you hang out regularly. You’ll be changing the baby wherever you can pin them down in a few short months.
4. Baby Food Makers
They’re called food processors, or blenders, y’all. I bet you already have a couple.
3. Floor Seats
Everyone thinks they need a Bumbo, but do you really? Your kid will sit up when they’re ready, so why rush it? Also, I thought I might use mine for feeding him in the early days but again…chubby thighs.
2. Baby Shoes
Your kid doesn’t need shoes until they start walking. They’re just going to hit 7 months and start yanking them off, anyway.
1. Wipe Warmers
Seriously, if you’re that worried about shocking the little guy or girl, just hold them between your palms for ten seconds.