There’s a special bond between fathers and sons (most of the time). Part of that bond is often the things that only the guys do while mom is getting her hair cut, or on a girl’s trip, or reading a book (or a hundred other things this mom of a 9-month-old is currently dreaming about doing again someday).
Which is to say, I totally expect my son and my husband to have things that are only theirs. And I fully intend to pretend as if I don’t know what they are.
These dads and sons? They have some pretty hilarious and touching secrets, y’all.
11. Dad’s Life Lesson Game Was Strong
“My parents were fighting pretty hardcore and my mother wound up leaving abruptly. My dad, who at this point had never really said anything to me in my eight years of life, bursts through my door and says: “If you ever tell anyone this I swear to God I’ll deny it on a stack of Bibles. Don’t EVER get married.”
He shut the door and left. I went back to playing Street Fighter 2. Still not married.”
10. Our Little Secret
“When I was like twelve I got grounded (no computer, tv, etc). My parents went out for the day and told me I didn’t have to come, but took the power cords to all my electronics. I decided to get on my dad’s laptop, and snooped through his history.
Problem is, I clicked the link to make sure that it really was porn (was hard to believe my dad looked at porn when I was twelve). The entry went from 2 weeks old in his history to visited that day. Came in my room the next day and gave me a big lecture about not watching porn and how upset my mom would be if he told her. I told him how I happened upon that page and and he gave me a look of understanding before walking out of my room.
We never spoke of it again.”
9. A Last Supper
“Me and my dad were taking the dog to the vet to put her to sleep. We stopped for a snack at the gas station on the way. I got corn twists and shared them with the dog.”
8. The Story Of How We Got Our Christmas Tree
“When we were kids Dad used to take us Christmas tree “shopping”…in a forestry, late at night, with a saw and a flashlight. Thing is we, as kids, genuinely believed Dad as he told us, “I’m friends with the forester. But don’t tell your mother…”
We always spent the Christmas tree money in the pub on the way home.
Last Christmas we brought my 71-year-old Dad Christmas tree shopping. We arrived home drunk at 3 in the morning! My mom marveled at how spectacular a tree we had “bought.” Christmas tree thievery – the real spirit of Christmas!”
7. When Your Dad Is An Even Better Guy Than You Thought
“Dad wanted to take Mom on a trip to England (a dream of hers) for their 25th Wedding Anniversary, but couldn’t afford it. So he started coming home later and later, making up all kinds of excuses, until one day I noticed his car parked off the side of a road I was using.
It was a place that supplies firewood for people – and there he was, putting logs through a wood-splitter and stacking them. he told me, ‘Please, please…do NOT tell your Mom, she’ll only worry.
Turns out he was working a part-time job to put aside money to take her to England. I gave him a BIG hug and as much admiration as a son can give his father.”
6. When Your Dad’s Role Model Was Zack Morris…
“One of my good buddies from high school’s parents were fairly religious Catholics. Apparently on Ash Wednesday, a lot of kids get out of school and are allowed to go to church where the priest puts a bunch of ash on their foreheads as a symbol of the religious day or something. However on this day, my friend never left school so it was kind weird since y’know, his parents are very Catholic.
Apparently his dad had just been busy that day and didn’t want to pick his son up and take him to church in the middle of the day. So when his dad did eventually pick my friend up and took him home he realized how pissed his mom would be so they went over to a dirt pile and his dad just rubbed some dirt from their front yard on his forehead to make it look like he went to Ash Wednesday.
“Just don’t tell your mom.”
5. We Almost Died
“My parents live in Alaska. A few years ago, my brothers and father hiked a mountain to hunt sheep, they came back a day late and my mother was freaked out. She called me worrying about 5 times that day. When they got back, each of them called me separately and said ‘we almost died, don’t tell mom.”
4. The Secret Screening Room At The Local Mongolian BBQ
“I come from a Christian family that was very conservative in terms of what media we were allowed to consume. For instance, I wasn’t allowed to see the final scene of Aladdin for years. When I hit high school my dad occasionally would take me out to an all-you-can-eat Mongolian Grill place. We’d grab big plates of food, then he’d pop a movie into his laptop and we’d sit in the corner watching a movie mom wouldn’t approve of.
I don’t remember many of the movies, but I remember the first one we watched was Dodgeball. Loved those secret movie nights with dad.”
3. Someone Else’s Secret
“A little boy (about 5) and his dad came into the place where I work, and the boy excitedly puts his toy on the counter for me to scan.
Boy: Guess what!
Boy: You can’t tell mommy though!
Me: Sure. What’s up?
Boy: Daddy forgot to pick me up at school today. He says I can get this toy if I don’t tell mommy!
I’m trying not to die of laughter and the boy’s dad is blushing really hard. I ring him through and as the kid’s leaving, he’s like ‘Bye! Remember, don’t tell Mommy!'”
2. Just Call Me Wingman
“My dad was always a laid back guy, he lost his dad when he was 13 so seeing me in college really got him teary-eyed. Around August I had to move back to become an RA. Anyway, when we got there I had a girlfriend at University and we wanted to ‘hangout’ and my dorm alone.
Dad, like a total bro, says ‘don’t tell mom but watch this. HONEY, GOD DAMNIT! I LEFT MY WALLET AT THE WALMART IN FAR-AWAY-VILLE!’
‘WE ARE IN ANOTHER STATE HOW COULD YOU FORGET?’
‘I don’t know, it’s like a 40 minute drive can you take me to get it?’
‘You’re so forgetful.’
They left, sexytimes were had, got to cuddle with girlfriend. Been dating three years now and my dad occasionally forgets his wallet to this day.”
1. Secret Santa
“Every year since I can remember my Dad has bought me a ‘Secret Present’ at Christmas. TBH these are the presents I look forward to most. I’m22 now and this still happens. These presents were always received on the condition that I ‘Never. Tell. Mum.’
Some presents he bought me include: A pocket knife, potato gun, BB gun, hunting slingshot. What made it even better is that when I was younger I’d have to wait until Mum had gone shopping or something before I could just whip out a hunting slingshot/bb gun. That would not have gone down well. So it was a real treat when I eventually got to.”