Fatherhood is a lot of things (many times on the same day or even in the same hour), so it takes some serious skill to sum it up in a single tweet.
Luckily, these 15 dads are totally up to the task.
If you’ve never turned the volume on your car stereo up to drown out the sounds of your kids, are you really even a parent?
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) March 12, 2019
#14. She’s very advanced.
My 8 year old daughter can already read at a 5th grade level and ignore me at a 12th grade level.
— The Baron (@baronvonbike) March 7, 2019
#13. It’s simple.
I don’t get why people think getting kids to bed is hard all my son needs is:
A drink of water
4 songs from Daddy
A trip to the potty
Superman flight to bed
An inventory of his stuffed animals
2 more songs
Look at my watch for 45 seconds
And all of this 7 more times
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) March 17, 2019
#12. It might take all day sometimes, but the result is inevitable.
My patience is a tree. My child is a saw. The results are predictable.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) March 20, 2019
#11. Thanks anyway.
hey guys, thanks for inviting me out for drinks tonight but do you remember a couple of years ago I had that baby? well, he's still around, so no
— The Dad (@thedad) March 9, 2019
#10. It’s like never being able to walk out on The English Patient.
Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 19, 2019
#9. No imagination required.
Wife: She’s wearing her princess dress. Pretend you’re her servant.
— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) February 7, 2019
#8. Modern parenting is a trip.
Crazy how my 3-year-old can expertly maneuver the Android operating system but can’t put on a flip flop.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 18, 2019
#7. They can definitely do that to you.
My son just complained that we eat pizza too often.
I've never been speechless before.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 10, 2019
Me: Get up.
Me: It's Monday.
6: I can't do this every week.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 25, 2019
#5. Why would you?
My 6-year-old called ranch dressing "salad frosting" and now I'll never call it anything else.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 3, 2019
#4. Technically they don’t even have to bump into anything.
Our youngest lightly bumped into something if you're wondering why she's wearing 37 band-aids.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) March 10, 2019
#3. Parenting checks so many boxes.
*gets kids to school on time*
*adds snail herder to resume*
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) March 19, 2019
#2. Representation matters.
We need a Disney princess that screams when her hair is brushed, gets super amped right before bed, and eats like 3 things for dinner ever.
— Taming Fred Savage (@FredTaming) February 6, 2019
#1. The things no one tells you.
Instead of day drinking we get to take our kid to a birthday party and stand around with our hands in our pockets listening to kids cough.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 23, 2019
Keep killing it, Dads!