It’s not always pretty and it’s usually quick. Just telling the truth – just like the 15 people below – but it’s still worth it.
#15. Hand over those pants.
After spending a weekend apart:
when first dating: clothes come off to have sex
when married with kids: clothes come off to get a head start on laundry
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) July 22, 2018
#14. I’m just learning how true this is.
Friend Without Kids: Last night, I was having sex with the wife and I totally saw a ghost.
Friend Without Kids: I swear to God. Ask her, she saw it t—
Me: Come on, man. No one has sex at night.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 20, 2018
#13. A rare miracle.
Married sex is like traveling. It takes planning, the conditions need to be right, and everyone has to pee before getting started.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 13, 2019
#12. It’s like when someone asks for your ID.
wife: Are you having an affair?
me [flattered that she thinks someone would have sex with me] Thank you
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 24, 2018
#11. Both are fun.
Sure sex is great, but have you ever had complete strangers come up to you in a restaurant and tell you how well behaved your three little kids are???
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) September 21, 2018
#10. Quick decision.
Marriage 1st Year.
Husband: Hey, beautiful, I’ve got candles lit and sexy music, ready for a night of romance?
Marriage 6th Year:
Husband: The kids are asleep, wanna have sex real quick?
Me: I literally just poured the milk on my cereal.
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) September 6, 2018
#9. So many things.
Things I can find in my bed after having kids:
Things I can’t find in my bed after having kids:
Full Night of Sleep
My Sex Drive
— Accidental Super Mom (@AcciSuperMom) March 6, 2019
“We’ll have morning sex again!” is the married with children version of “I’m gonna be an astronaut when I grow up!”
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 29, 2018
#7. Can confirm.
87% of married sex starts with someone pausing House Hunters.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 3, 2016
#6. Believe it or not.
Welcome at parenthood. You will now think about sleep 725% more often than you think about sex.
— Danielle and Farrah (@effinghandbook) November 1, 2017
#5. Definitely the latter.
Bite marks on your thighs in your 20's- You have an exciting sex life
Bite marks on your thighs in your 30's- You have a teething toddler with poor impulse control
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@PedersenAhmed) September 19, 2018
#4. Hubba hubba.
Husband and I just burped at exactly the same time and it's the closest we've come to having sex this week.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 2, 2017
#3. They’re not vacations, they’re trips.
Family vacations are great if you ignore all the money you spend and sex you don’t have.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) June 10, 2018
#2. Be prepared to finish quick.
Your sex life as a parent basically becomes "Fifty Shades of Pray Those Kids Stay Asleep."
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) August 29, 2018
#1. A faraway dream.
Sex is great and all but have you ever gotten your kids to bed and had enough time to watch an entire movie without falling asleep halfway through?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 21, 2019
Keep fighting the good fight, my friends!