People can be jerks, we all know this. But when you have a kid, you get exposed to a whole new world of rudeness. Whether they’re scolding you for your parent choices, shoving their opinions down your throat, or just being straight-up ignorant, parents are bound to encounter those ~special~ people that their friends without kids won’t have to deal with — unless they decide to have kids, that is.
Here are the 13 archetypical jerks that you’re going to meet along the road of parenting. Godspeed.
1. Anyone Who Lessens How Hard Having a Kid Truly is
Parenting is hard, we don’t care if you have one or eleven children. There are obviously different challenges that come depending on how many kids you have, but oh, how we detest those people who say things like, “If you think it’s hard with one, wait until you have two!”
You should know better. You. Should. Know. Better.
2. Jerks Who Doubt Dads
Can we all just agree to kill the stereotype that dads are clueless? There are PLENTY of dads that are parenting champions, and some of them are more suited for raising kids than some women are! So anyone who says to a totally capable father, “Are you sure you don’t want to call your wife and ask her?” needs to go home. Bye.
3. Airplane Hecklers
No one wants to deal with a crying baby on an airplane, especially the parent of said crying baby. Odds are, you’re working your butt off to try and quiet your fussy infant, and the last thing you need is that jerk on your plane yelling, “Shut that kid up!” just to make you feel ashamed on top of everything else.
4. The Breastfeeding Critic
This goes two ways. There are the ignorant, mean-spirited people who yell, “Put that away!” when you’re trying to feed your baby in public. Then there are the people who are there to inform you, “Breastfed babies are smarter!” when you’re feeding your baby a bottle.
5. Dispensers of Unsolicited (and Often Outdated) Parenting Advice
Really, just in general, don’t shove unwanted advice down a parents’ throat. How do you know it’s unwanted, you ask? Easy. Were you asked for advice? No? There’s your answer!
Special shoutout to anyone who says, “In our day, we never let our kids [insert totally normal thing kids do here].”
6. Child Haters of the World
You know what’s not for everyone? Having kids. If you’re not a fan of kids, hey, that’s a personal thing that will affect whether or not you decide to have children.
But you know what I have? KIDS. I’m not criticizing your choice to have a child-free life, so I would appreciate if you would keep your comments of, “Ugh, I hate kids,” under your hipster beanie, please and thank you.
7. The “Health Expert”
Anyone who chides you for getting your kid chicken fingers instead of salad (which their kids LOVE, obviously) is insufferable. We call these jerks “perfect” parents, who love rubbing their obnoxious, unrealistic parenting standards in your face.
Congrats on having time to exercise every day while keeping your kid on a paleo diet and keeping a spotless house, kindly don’t speak to me again.
8. Tables of Compulsive Cursers
True, kids are going to be exposed to swear words eventually. But most parents would rather that experience not be because of a table of drunk guys keep loudly dropping F-bombs with your kids less than five feet away.
9. Anyone Who Has the Nerve to Say THIS to Adoptive Parents
If you have the gall to ask adoptive parents, “Are you going to have any kids of your own?” then we don’t even know what to say to you.
10. The People Who Forgot What Year it is
Woe to the person who says “You’re going to let him get that?” when your son wants a flower painted on his face or “Wouldn’t she rather be a princess?” when your daughter wants to be a superhero for Halloween.
Um, I don’t believe you’re the speaker of what my child “wants.” They said they want this, so that’s what they’re going to get. Kindly get back in your time machine and enjoy 1954.
11. Strangers Who Have Got Some Serious Nerve
All parents have likely experienced some kind of rude comment about their baby from a complete stranger, but parents of biracial babies really know what that’s like.When someone you’ve never met is ”
When someone you’ve never met is “awwwing” over your baby and then says something to the effect of, “I just love mixed babies! They’re so exotic!” There’s nothing to do but take your baby and walk away. Let them try to riddle out what they did wrong.
12. The Shady Joker
When you’re racing to get out the door, throwing clothes on both you and your baby, and trying to pack a bag for your little one, things are going to go wrong. Then there’s always that one *hilarious* person who has to call you out by saying something like, “What, did your baby dress herself?”
I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY TO DO THIS.
13. Everyone Who Grills Stay-at-Home Parents
PSA: Just because a parent stays at home with their kids doesn’t mean they do nothing all day. In fact, it’s very much the opposite. So asking them, “What do you even do all day?” is just going to result in a terrible wrath that you want no part of.
14. Pop Culture Police
What?! You haven’t binged all of House of Cards while trying to keep a constantly crying little human alive? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
15. Anyone Who’s “Just Curious!” About Working Parents
First of all, anyone who’s “just curious” about your life as a parent is probably about to ask you something annoying. A big one working parents get is, “Do you ever see your kids?” To which we hope all working parents reply, “Who?”