Kids are many things, but one of the best things about having them around is what they say to you and to other people. But what they say to other kids when they think adults aren’t listening are truly priceless.
The 15 examples below totally prove my point.
#15. That sounds about right.
“I overheard my 8-year-old cousin telling his friend about my brother’s surgery: ‘He had to go get a surgery. I don’t know why, but I think it’s because he swallowed chewing gum and it got stuck in his heart.'”
#14. Fair point.
“I overheard a 5-year-old girl say, ‘Why is it called Pennsylvania? It’s not even shaped like a pencil!'”
#13. It will one day be her street name.
I once heard a kid say, ‘Waffles are bald, you know. And I’m bald too, because I’m a waffle.’”
#12. He’s waiting for bedtime.
Kid 1 (running around in circles): ‘I have 8,000 bottles of energy!’
Kid 2 (sprawled out on the ground): ‘I have a billion bottles of energy, I just don’t feel like using them right now.'”
#11. Those are some big plans.
“I overheard my 6-year-old cousin say to his friend, ‘When I grow up, I’m going to be a wizard dog. A wizard dog that turns people’s noses into pretzels.’”
#10. Her son is destined for great things.
“I heard my 7-year-old tell his cousin, ‘My mom makes our spaghetti out of troll hairs.’ We had spaghetti for dinner that night, and when my niece refused to eat it, my son was happy to have second and third servings.”
“7-year-old: ‘Pretend you’re a pickle.’
6-year-old: ‘Well, okay, but pickles can’t talk.’
7-year-old: ‘Yeah, that’s the point.'”
#8. It happens when you hit the ripe old age of 15.
My cat — who only has one eye — was sitting in the window when two kids came up and peered at her through the glass. The little girl asked, ‘Where is her eye?’ And the little boy replied super matter-of-factly, ‘Oh, sometimes eyes just fall out when you’re older.'”
#7. I need details.
I overheard these girls at Starbucks:
Fifth grade girl #1: ‘Who’s most likely of us to get rich?”
Fifth grade girl #2: ‘Definitely Emily.’
Fifth grade girl #3/Emily: ‘Wait, why?”
Fifth grade girl #2: ‘Because you’re such a gold digger!'”
#6. Such wise children.
“In the waiting room at the dentist there were two boys around 8 or so discussing whether they’d rather die by eating poo or lava. After a bit of thought, they both decided on the lava.”
#5. I’d be a bit afraid to meet her parents.
“Third graders were eating and talking about celebrities:
One girl: ‘Why are they so famous?’
Second girl (slams both hands on the table): ‘ILLUMINATI THAT’S WHY!'”
#4. An apt description.
“I overheard my 5-year-old arguing with my 7-year-old over how babies were made. My 5-year-old then said, ‘YouTube is a liar! God gives you babies. It’s not a bunch of worms eating a bouncy ball!'”
#3. I mean sometimes it happens at the same time. Just saying.
“My 3-year-old said to her 4-year old cousin, ‘Every time your mom poops, that’s a new brother or sister for you.’”
#2. I would not have been able to contain my laughter.
“I work at a summer camp and during fishing, if the kids catch a fish, they’re allowed to kiss it (gross, I know, but the kiddos love it). Anyway, one day I heard an 8-year-old brag to his friend, ‘I’ve kissed a lot of fish. I’m a player.’”
#1. He might have an answer for…some of those questions.
“I work at a zoo and overheard a kid ask another kid, ‘Why don’t you look like your dad, mom…and dog?'”
I’m going to make it a point to eavesdrop the next time I’m around a group of kids.
Just kidding, I do that now.