It’s a truth universally acknowledged: in addition to being loud, defiant, lovely, sweet, non-sleeping monsters, children are hilarious. Even when they’re not meaning to be. And the proof is in the pudding, right?
Or in this case, the anecdotes.
#14. “My very outgoing 3-year-old daughter was having a conversation with a man who was balding.
When he left she turned to me, very confused, and said, ‘Mom, he’s just a head!'”
katietaylore, Buzzfeed user
#13. “At Chuck E. Cheese’s my 2-year-old put his token into the ‘Bob the Builder’ ride but it didn’t work.
After sitting on it for about a minute he sighed, threw up his hands, and very loudly said ‘F*ck it’ before walking off.”
ellessufan, Buzzfeed user
#12. “My sister’s dog, Baxter, popped my 4-year-old daughter’s brand new ball.
My daughter went inside and cried for like two minutes, then came back out and said, ‘Baxter is a little dick!”
mandielayla, Buzzfeed user
#11. “I’m a Bernie Sanders supporter and we have one of his signs in our front yard. Recently I was driving down the street with my 3-year-old when he pointed out another Sanders sign in someone else’s yard.
I asked my son if he knew who Bernie Sanders was and he said, ‘Yeah…he sells signs.'”
Lynne Carpenter, Facebook
#10. “When my 4-year-old daughter sang Miley Cyrus’ ‘Wrecking Ball’ this way: ‘You came in like oregano…'”
Deidra Moses Lookingbill, Facebook
#9. “I was getting my 4-year-old ready for bed when he informed me that he had a torpedo in his pants. Assuming he was talking about his penis, I replied, ‘Is that what we’re calling it now?’
He then proceeded to take out a toy torpedo from his underwear. He had an actual torpedo in his pants.”
alextribeca, Buzzfeed user
#8. “After learning where babies come from – and that she was created by her dad’s sperm and my egg and her baby sister was made by her stepdad’s sperm and my egg – my 6-year-old daughter said, ‘Wow, that’s nice that you gave them each a turn!'”
cristinar40dc0464f, Buzzfeed user
#7. “I was singing a goodnight song to my 3-year-old when he put his hand over my mouth and said, ‘All done, Momma!'”
Mary Shanks, Facebook
#6. “Out of the blue my niece walked into the kitchen, totally naked with a cup over her privates, and said, ‘I’m a boy! See my penis?'”
lilymoons, Buzzfeed user
#5. “At a restaurant, my 4-year-old daughter told the waitress that her hair looked beautiful. The waitress got a huge smile on her face and thanked her.
As the waitress walked off, my daughter said, ‘But not in the back.'”
krob451, Buzzfeed user
#4. “My 3-year-old son punched my husband in the crotch. I told him to go apologize and he said, ‘Daddy, I’m sorry I punched you in your vagina.'”
joykeithm, Buzzfeed user
#3. “My 3-year-old was saying good night to my husband when she slapped him!
He asked her why she did that and she said ‘Daddy, I was high-fiving your face.”
joykeithm, Buzzfeed user
#2. “My 3-year-old daughter was singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ when she suddenly busted out this verse: ‘The daddies on the bus say got no money, got no money, got no money!'”
hollystrenad, Buzzfeed user
#1. “I was in the store with my recently potty-trained 2-year-old when she needed to go potty, so we ran to the bathroom. She asked if the lady in the stall next to us was going potty, too, and I told her she was.
When the lady finished up, my daughter started clapping and shouted, ‘You went potty all by yourself! Good job, lady!'”
d49f75e598, Buzzfeed user