I don’t have a toddler yet. I have a 9-month-old who already stands up and walks along the furniture, crawls as fast as greased lightning, loves to play in toilet water, and has already tasted poop from both kinds of animals we own.
So what I’m saying is, heaven help me when he actually starts walking and understanding things like, “I can get away with more while mom isn’t looking.” I mean, one can hope that with more awareness of the world will also come the desire to not eat feces and play in filthy water, but I’m not holding my breath. I will, however, be holding glasses of wine.
Mostly because of pictures like these, to be honest. It’s like a horror show for parents. I feel like you should know that going in…
15. Amazon boxes are gold
14. Some questions have to be asked, no matter how badly you wish you didn’t have to hear the answer
13. Do you have a mouse or a toddler? Because they both eat paper.
12. Why your phone is always out of storage
11. Nothing is safe with step-stools about…
10. The day they figure out the childproof door catches
9. Still worth it
8. They will find you…
7. The worst is when you’re outnumbered and they team up against you
6. When even you have no idea wtf you just found in your wallet/purse/bra
4. Why do we speak in the collective? We do not know.
3. You know you still finish it anyway
2. It’s almost depressing when you think about it that way
1. Tis the siren call of all toddler mamas