I don’t have children yet, but from what I gather, living with a two-year-old is kind of like living with an earthquake that never turns off, and if you yell too at it too much, one day it will do a one-person show about you.
Which is why, when it comes to parenting-related comedy, two-year-olds are a gold mine. Today we’ve got Tweets from some of Twitter’s funniest comedians, all about living through the terrible twos. If you’ve raised a toddler, or were once a toddler yourself, these will definitely ring true. Enjoy!
1. Toddler aren’t known for being reasonable.
A dog once waited in the same spot for 9 years for his dead master
My 2-year-old is doing the same thing for an empty push pop I threw away pic.twitter.com/aGBOh9jAxd
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2016
2. But they do mean well. (Mostly.)
Just fell down the basement stairs. My 2-year-old saw it and was concerned, so he walked down to kiss it better – and stepped on my balls.
— DaddyFiles (@DaddyFiles) April 12, 2016
3. You gotta know their limits, and yours.
Telling a 2 year old “Don’t make a mess” is like asking me to give up wine. It just ain’t gonna happen.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) April 8, 2015
4. Things WILL get lost in translation.
I guess “please poop on the potty” sounds like “please poop on the coffee table” to my 2-year old son.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 17, 2015
5. Toddlers and pets? Not that different.
Get off the table. Stay away from the trash. Stop licking old pizza. Don’t play in the litter.
-Me, talking to my 2yo, not my cat
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) February 27, 2016
6. Sometimes, having a toddler is like living inside a horror movie.
Want to know what privacy looks like when you have a 2 year old? This. pic.twitter.com/4Y1jfvhvpN
— Brachmann (@VivaBrachmann) September 18, 2016
7. Other times it’s more like a nature documentary.
The ultimate toddler paradox: an unstoppable 2-year-old meeting an immovable sliding glass door.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 19, 2016
8. The ol’ bait and switch.
2-year-old: *offers me imaginary food* Eat it.
Me: Mmmm. Yum.
2: You ate dog poop.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2017
9. They can be VERY outgoing.
It has taken my 2yo less than 24 hours to make friends with the mannequin heads that hold my grandma’s wigs.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 5, 2016
10. You can’t win every battle.
You know you’re crushing this parenthood thing when one of your kids says your 2 year old is drinking coffee and you don’t even investigate.
— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) January 30, 2016