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17 Things Childless Humans Are Really Tired of Hearing

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I spent 37 years of my life without children – all of them voluntarily – and can honestly say, even after procreating, that I understand why people would choose not to, and believe they are 100% happy and fulfilled.

I can also confirm that these 17 pieces of “advice,” or whatever you want to call them, get very, very old very quickly. So cut it out, okay?

#17. Don’t you want someone to carry on your family lineage?

Um, this isn’t the middle ages – there’s no need to worry about who will inherit your property when you’re gone. Not only that, but family can mean whatever you want it to, so people have options.

#16. Who will take care of you when you’re older?

Again, we have options. It’s called financial planning and a clear outline of your wishes. People who aren’t related to you can be caregivers, and friends, nieces, and nephews can be as (or more) loving than grown children.

#15. Being a mother is a woman’s purpose.

Maybe it is your purpose, but a modern definition of womanhood says that your purpose can be whatever you want it to be, so dream on.

#14. Your body was made for this.

True. It was also made to like, regenerate bone but it’s not like I’m going around breaking my arm just so it can do its “job” of knitting bones back together.

#13. Maybe you just haven’t been around enough children.

Most people can decide whether or not they want children without spending extended time with yours. Just saying.

#12. You’ll change your mind.

Maybe. Maybe not. But this is how he or she feels right now, so respect is in order.

#11. There’s still time.

Related to the above, but more infuriating because it assumes you know better than they do how they feel.

#10. Can’t you hear your biological clock ticking?

In this day and age, unless a woman is literally telling you that she’s pre-menopausal, then no. And if she is, I guarantee you she’s considered her options before then.

#9. You’re missing out on the best part of life.

Your kids might be the best part of your life, but for someone else, the best part of life could be traveling, or their job, or dining alone, or spending time with friends doing dog yoga. Whatever.

#8. What does your significant other think of your decision?

None. Of. Your. Business.

#7. Kids give meaning to life.

For some people – the people invested in raising them – that’s true. It’s not a universal truth, however.

#6. I didn’t know who I was until I had kids.

Great. I’m glad you know who you are now. But there are many other paths to enlightenment. Ones that presumably include less dealing with feces that aren’t your own.

#5. Read this article. It might change your mind.

Chances are your friend can read. And also, when did an internet article change anyone’s mind, ever?

#4. Some people aren’t meant to be parents, I guess.

Insulting. End of story.

#3. You’ll regret it.

That’s their problem, not yours, and also it’s a super presumptuous thing to say.

#2. Having kids is the best decision I ever made.

Great! Maybe the best decision your child-free friend ever made is a trip to New Zealand. It’s pretty high on my list.

#1. You’d be such a great parent, though!

This is a manipulation disguised as a compliment (and something my mother said to me often). A feeling that you’d be good at something isn’t a good reason to do it.

Bottom line? You do you, and let your child-free kids do themselves!