They say that toddlers are basically tiny, drunk adults. Having lived with one for a bit over a year now, I can say this is totally true – and that the 17 moments below are totally relatable.
#17. And you still have to tell them “good job” because it wasn’t in their diaper.
Not at all embarassing when your newly potty trained toddler drops drawer and starts peeing on a tree… a fake tree… in the middle of a restaurant.
— Manic Mama (@JannaKilimnik) April 30, 2019
#16. OMG, the worst.
*finally gets gloves on toddler correctly*
*dies of old age*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 26, 2018
#15. There’s a wrong way to do everything.
Before I had a toddler, I had no idea there was a wrong way to eat imaginary food.
— Marissa 🏳️🌈 (@natsmama75) April 27, 2019
The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) December 6, 2018
#13. You will not survive.
[1st day in hell]
SATAN: You get the worst punishment
ME: *thinking about being burnt alive* oh no
SATAN: You have to talk to this toddler on the phone
ME: OH NO
— The Dad (@thedad) May 3, 2018
#12. She loves what she loves.
I'm glad we own 10,000 stuffed animals so my toddler can fall asleep cuddling with a jar of peanuts. pic.twitter.com/mIJKNg2DEp
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2017
#11. You don’t even need to ask.
toddler *walks by with a hammer*
me: What are you gonna make?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 28, 2018
#10. It’s over now.
Toddler: [Eating an orange]
Me: Can I have some?
Toddler: No! Is spicy!
She's on to me.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) March 12, 2019
#9. I can’t believe I’m not skinnier.
Oh, you ran a 5K today? Cool.
I buckled a toddler into a car seat twice today, so we both burned the same amount of calories.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) May 2, 2017
#8. You will never ask “what are you doing?” so many times again in your life.
I just caught my toddler baptizing her Barbie in the cat’s water bowl. Then, naturally, like one does, sucked all of the water out of the Barbie’s hair and did a nice refreshed “ahh!” afterwards.
— gabrielle 🌿 (@raisingclem) April 30, 2019
#7. Never tune them out.
Toddler: MOM I POOPED ON THE POTTY
Me: good job!
Toddler: AND NOT ON MY UNDIES
Me: i’m proud of you
Toddler: AND NOT ON MY PANTS
Toddler: AND NOT ON THE TOOTHBRUSHES
Me: wait what
— Ash (an female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) February 1, 2018
#6. It’s all about elevating the heart rate.
Hearing a toddler say “uh oh” from a different room: cheaper than joining a gym and just as effective a workout
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 1, 2019
#5. Nothing more effective.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM toddler.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 17, 2019
#4. It’s how the species survives.
How can someone look so impossibly perfect when they're asleep but make me so completely insane when they're awake?
– Every toddler Mom, ever
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 8, 2019
#3. So seen.
Parenting is asking your toddler to wash their hands and then 45 minutes later begging them to stop washing their hands.
— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) April 30, 2019
You can say "please" and "thank you" a million times and your toddler will never repeat it, but if you say "ass-faced mother fucker" ONCE…
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 22, 2018
#1. Don’t placate me.
Toddler: *babbling nonsense*
Me: Ok, got it!
Narrator: But she did not “got it” And this would make the toddler very angry.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 24, 2018
Gotta go – my toddler just flushed something down the toilet (probably)!