In a world clamoring for high-end luxury strollers to match its’ high-end luxury vehicles, the good people at Land Rover have stepped up. Big time. They have designed a $2,000 all-terrain stroller for “adventurous parents.” You know, the kind of parents who say things like, “Let’s spend $2,000 on a stroller and then take it on an adventure.”
Land Rover has partnered with iCandy, a British stroller company, to create a stroller that will humiliate all the babies slumming it in their $1,000 Stokke Xplorys. Apparently, there’s a market for people who love their cars so much that they want them to play bigger parts in their everyday lives. These are people who also buy BMW paper clips and Chevy survival knives.
Land Rover announced the product last week on their website with this: “Land Rover and iCandy have launched the iCandy Peach All-Terrain Special Edition pushchair for adventurous parents.” The iCandy Peach All-Terrain Special Edition pushchair? That’s a lot of words that don’t necessarily seem to go together, so let’s take a minute to explain a few of them:
First, the “i” in iCandy does not, unfortunately, mean that this stroller has wifi. No, the “i” is for “innovation,” innovations like, perhaps one day, turning a stroller into a wifi hotspot. Or making an amphibious stroller, which, we can all agree, would be bad ass.
Second, the word “Peach” refers to one of the lines of iCandy products. They also have Orange, Strawberry, Apple-to-Pear, Raspberry, and Horned Melon (that one’s a lie for now but it doesn’t have to be.) Within the Peach line, there is Designer Peach and All-Terrain Peach, each of which you might as well take a dump in because this is the All-Terrain Peach Special Edition pushchair and also words don’t mean anything anymore.
And finally, the term “pushchair” might confuse a lot of us Americans. A “pushchair” is what the British call strollers where babies sit up. Like they’re sitting in a chair, you see. Because the British don’t dick around — you’re not “strolling,” you’re pushing a chair. Get over yourself. iCandy lists its available products as “Pushchairs, Double PushChairs, Carrycots, and Footmuffs,” which might make sense if you’re a Brit but to me sounds like “SitTable, Double SitTable, HoistHamster, and FacePoof.”
So how do a stroller and an SUV combine to make something made for more than just giant babies? Here’s how Land Rover lays it out: “[The stroller] incorporates the instantly recognizable styles and functionality of both a Land Rover 4×4 and an iCandy pushchair.” Do we want our strollers to have the functionality of a 4×4? Do people need strollers with extra traction and better stability for off-roading? And why does this stroller have puncture-proof tires? Where are these people taking their babies?
In terms of design, “The iconic Land Rover grille pattern features in the hood fabric, creating an eye-catching style statement, while fine seat stitching reflects that found in Land Rover models. A one-of-a-kind rucksack slides gracefully into the generous pushchair basket, offering extra practicality for adventurous parents.”
We would venture to say that if you’re buying a $2,000 luxury car stroller, “practicality” is not the number one feature you’re looking for. We’d also like to point out that putting the grille pattern of an SUV on the fabric of your stroller, a situation which in any other circumstance is exactly the kind of thing you’re trying to avoid when walking around town with your baby, seems an odd choice at best. And again, if you suspect you might need a backpack while you’ve got your baby in a stroller, then where are you taking this child?
The iCandy for Land Rover Peach All-Terrain Special Edition will be available this spring and will be the first stroller launched at the Frankfurt Motor Show where — if there is any good in this world — it will be presented by a yawning, angry car show model wearing her comfy sweats and carrying a gallon of coffee.