It could be that I just have a lot of friends who live in the South and Midwest, but it seems like Daddy-Daughter dances are a thing like they never were when I was a little girl. Aside from the Bible Belt, there are plenty of people who have split opinions on whether they’re adorable bonding opportunities for fathers and daughters or a despicable (and creepy) holdover from the days of purity balls and treating women like possessions to be kept and then gifted.
The replies were varied, with some agreeing that he had every right to feel icky about them.
“NTA I think it’s very reasonable of you to say you think they’re gross but if your daughter (not your wife) really wanted to go to one you’d go for her. I think it’s a little weird that your wife got so worked up about it, and that seems like something you two will need to work out between you.
Anyway, here I go image searching “purity ball” to creep myself out before I go to bed, thanks.”
“Youre not an asshole and neither is your wife. Youre points are valid, but I bet hers are, too. Give it a few days and discuss it again when the mood is calm. Explain your reasoning and she can explain hers.”
“NAH, since I don’t think your wife is coming at this from a place of inappropriate boundaries. She sounds like she just wants you to dance with your daughter occasionally, which can be great memories.
However, you are totally correct in that a lot of these D&D dances are rooted in purity balls, which are creepy as fuck, sexist, misogynistic and focus on treating the daughter like a possession passed from father to husband.
I’d drop this for now; the kid is TWO. Come back a few years later and have a real discussion about it.
Maybe there’s a non-creepy version of this. There’s got to be, because a daughter and a dad dancing usually invokes tenderness and joy.
But I’d leave it for now, seriously.”
Others, though, shared positive experiences from their own daddy-daughter dances and encouraged the original poster to see things from a different perspective.
“YTA. I took my daughter to a couple of these when she was younger and there was nothing sexual about it. We had a nice, innocent time, our relationship is strong today, and I don’t think I own her sexuality. Given the age of your daughter, I doubt she’s aware of her or your sexuality.
Whether you go to a Daddy-Daughter Dance or not, you are a huge sexual influencer to your daughter, in that she will likely be drawn to men like her daddy when she’s older.”
“YTA. I don’t see how dressing up and having a dance with your dad is sexual. Go ahead and tell your daughter that you don’t want to go out with her, but you’ll reconsider if she proves she wants it enough. That’s weird.”
“YTA. Grow up dude. Youre the only sexualizing these things. A dad and daughter dance is the perfect chance to show your daughter how a boy should treat her on a date. “BuT i DoNt WaNnA dAtE mY dAuGhTeR.” I cringed when i read that. Grow up.”
In the end, it was awesome to see people having a respectful discourse on a touchy topic. Go humans!
“UPDATE: Apparently (in this situation) I’m not the asshole! But honestly thank you to everyone for your thoughts, ideas and criticisms. It helped to know some people that went to these things had neutral or positive experiences. It also helped me to know other people are just as creeped out about these dances as I am. Now I don’t feel so crazy. Whatever your opinion on it, just know I’m gonna keep doing the best I can to be a good dad, dances or not. Thanks for your help reddit!”
You feel how you feel about these things, of course, but remember that others experiences are not the same as yours and having a daughter of your own could one day change your mind!