Pregnancy is magical and all of that, but also…it’s other, not so nice things. You feel huge and uncomfortable and crabby and emotional, and sure, you know your male partner will never truly be able to understand everything you’re going through (the good or the bad).
The smart men choose to mostly keep their mouths shut about the experience, even when asked.
Which is what leads me to believe these 12 guys weren’t very smart. Or they just lost their minds for a minute.
#12. And cake.
“I’m eight months pregnant and said, ‘Look, my belly is all baby!’ and he said, ‘Yeah…baby and cake.'”
#11. I’m worried about what that means for you.
“My partner looked at my stretch marks and said, ‘It looks like you got into a fight with a bear and lost.'”
“My man said, ‘It’s like you’re getting bigger, like, every day.’ Yes, that’s how it works.”
“Not my partner, but my father-in-law said, ‘I had kidney stones, so I know what labor feels like.’ Bye, bitch.”
#8. How about I handle you?
“I was having back pain and asked him for a massage. He responded, ‘If you can’t handle back pain, how are you going to handle pushing out the baby?’ I never wanted to punch him in the throat more than in that moment.”
#7. ‘Twas the “yet” that did it.
“After I complained about how big I was at seven months, he said, ‘Oh sweetie, you’re not a whale yet.'”
#6. Yes, but…
“My husband was constantly saying, ‘WE are pregnant. It’s not just YOU going through this.’ Actually, Husband, physically it’s ALL me.”
#5. I wouldn’t have even known what to say.
“Will I be able to milk you like a cow?”
#4. No, he didn’t.
“I had hyperemesis gravidarum (terrible morning sickness), and my partner said, ‘It’s mind over matter.'”
#3. Your point?
“I hadn’t been able to see well enough to shave in about a month, and he said, ‘You’ve got a jungle down there.’“
#2. Understandable, ma’am.
“I had gotten home at 8 a.m. after working 13 hours on my feet, and he rolled over — having just slept eight hours — and said, ‘Good morning, wanna rub my back?’ And that, officer, is when I knew I had to kill him.”
#1. This still makes me rage.
“I’m tired too.”
You’ll get there, ladies. Try not to commit murder before you do.