Let’s just get one thing out of the way up front – being single is awesome. Even though I am now happily married, I look back fondly on those long, summer days of being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted (or didn’t want) without a single person to wrinkle their nose, offer unsolicited advice, or inform me that showering once a week is “abnormal and gross.”
Being married is great, too, but when your group of friends includes people with both statuses, things can get sticky. So, if you’re married and curious, here’s what your single friends would tell you if they felt like getting in a fight.
#15. I promise.
“Don’t push us out of your lives just because you’re married now. There will come a time when you’ll need good friends in your life again, and if you’ve pushed us all away, you’ll be pretty lonely.”
#14. You’re not joined at the hip.
“Your spouse doesn’t have to come along every time we hang out. It’s OK for you to spend time with your friends without them sometimes.”
#13. Amen. You just sound jealous.
“I’m not broken because I’m single. So don’t act like I am.”
#12. Don’t be pushy.
“Just because marriage is right for you, doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone.”
“Please stop only referring to your spouse as ‘my husband’ or ‘my wife.’ Say their name — I’ll know who you’re talking about!”
#10. It’s none of their business.
“Stop telling your spouse all of my business. I know that you two have ‘no secrets,’ but think about how you would feel if I told my significant other you had to go to the ER because your tampon got stuck.”
#9. There’s nowhere to hide.
“Please don’t bicker in front of me. It’s incredibly awkward.”
#8. You don’t want to go there.
“If you tell me I’m being ‘picky’ one more time, I’ll ask you why you settled.”
#7. We want to love them as much as we love you.
“Your partner is a part of you and I want to get to know them as well — so if I tell you they’re invited to a party or outing, bring them!”
#6. I’m your friend first.
“Please don’t spend our entire time hanging out talking about your spouse. Update me on any major news about them, then give it a rest. I’m here to talk about you.”
#5. Seriously. Stop it.
“Just because I’m single and one of your other friends is single doesn’t mean we’re perfect for each other.”
#4. It can be hard.
“Sometimes I look at what you guys have and worry that it’ll never happen for me. I wish I could tell you that, but I’m afraid it’ll make me look pathetic, so I always put on a smile when I’m with you.”
#3. Reciprocation, please.
“Consider buying gifts for your friends when they reach special milestones, too! Remember that we’ve celebrated your engagements, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, etc. So if something happens in our lives that we’re excited about — like getting a promotion or a new pet — try to celebrate in small ways with us, too.”
#2. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
“Be sensitive when you complain about your spouse being too ‘needy’ or calling you too much — remember, I’m at home alone with nothing but my dog and UberEats.”
#1. They don’t want to bother you.
“Check in on us every once in a while. We don’t have a built-in support system like you do, and it’s difficult to reach out to you sometimes because we feel like we’re burdening you.”
Enjoy where you are. Trust me, the grass isn’t greener over here. Because you husband probably never f*cking waters it.