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Unfortunately, Bert and Ernie’s Relationship Status Is as Unclear as Ever

©PBS

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Guys. First of all, let me begin by saying that it’s really no one’s business what Bert and Ernie’s relationship status is, right? I mean, let’s first look at the evidence:

  1. They’re named for characters from It’s A Wonderful Life who share a tender, beautiful croon and then one kisses the other on the forehead.
  2. They bathe together.
  3. They live together, and bicker like a married couple.
  4. They bathe together.

Have you ever shared a naked bath with a platonic roommate? I’m just saying.

And recently, a former Sesame Street head writer revealed in an interview with Queerty Sunday that – to his mind – the iconic duo is a romantic couple. People everywhere rejoiced! After decades in the closet, the two would finally be able to live life as their true puppet selves!

Photo Credit: Twitter

This wasn’t just any writer, either – it was Mark Saltzman, who not only wrote countless scripts and songs for Sesame Street but also spent 15 years working on The Muppets and has won 7 (count them) Emmy Awards for his work.

“I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert & Ernie, they were. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them.”

Saltzman even used his real life, 20-year, same-sex romance as inspiration. Case closed, right?

Photo Credit: Twitter

Except someone had to show up and pee in the rainbow punch, because of course they did.

It happened when Sesame Street executives jumped in and voice their contradictory opinion, which is that Bert and Ernie are just good friends.

Aside: We’re having this discussion about puppets, guys. So like…they’re probably asexual due to the fact, you know, they don’t actually have genitals.

In a now-removed tweet, the official account tweeted the following:

“As we have always said, Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

Photo Credit: PBS

If they don’t have a sexual orientation, why is it necessary for them to have a gender at all? Why do they take baths together (I’m sorry I keep coming back to that but you guys. Come on).

The bottom line is that they love each other, if your kid happens to ask. Whatever that means in their precious little minds, that’s just fine.