Nothing can prepare you for the realities of becoming a parent. You think you’re ready, that you can handle it, and while the latter will turn out to be true, the former is not.
Seriously, you are not ready.
These 11 dads were surely in that same boat with no paddle, but somewhere along the way, they’ve managed to shore up the holes.
11. A cup is a cup. Or is it?
If you need a drink, any one will do.
Being a parent means one day you look down to find yourself salting the rim of a plastic Star Wars tumbler to make a margarita
— natejokes ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ 🌅⛰☕️ 🧙♂️ (@perlhack) July 8, 2020
10. You never even realized it, did you?
Maybe you even disliked it before, but you won’t now. Promise!
Welcome to parenthood. You've taken silence for granted your whole life.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 10, 2020
9. Not exactly conducive to doing the business.
You learn to make the magic happen, though, right?
I’m in the bathroom and I can hear my 5yo heavily breathing outside the door like some kind of horror movie.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 27, 2020
8. This sounds like my boys! Or all boys, for that matter.
We love schedules around here.
My 4-year-old asked my 2-year-old if it was time to fight.
2 checked the calendar and said, "No, not yet."
Well, at least they are organized.
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) June 25, 2020
7. These are the facts of life. For real.
You’re a morning person now. Congrats.
The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 14, 2020
6. It really is, girlfriend.
A wise child.
On a road trip passing a billboard that says live girls dancing daily.
My daughter’s voice from the backseat, “wow, that’s a lot of recitals.”
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 27, 2020
5. Time for a science experiment.
We’re all homeschooling now anyway.
Having kids is great because they ask you all sorts of things like ‘can you freeze farts?’ and then you spend all day thinking about it
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 11, 2020
4. They have an infinite number of limbs.
At the dinner table, it’s like 37.
Dear parents of toddlers
How many limbs do you have to pin down so you can brush their teeth?
Tonight it was only 7.
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 10, 2020
3. Competitiveness is innate, it would seem.
Maybe I can get my husband to do things the same way.
In a world of many parenting hacks, only one hack remains indisputably effective when you need a kid to do something:
"I'll time you."
— The Dad (@thedad) June 12, 2020
2. In her defense, what does time matter these days?
Ice cream for breakfast, 2020.
6-year-old: Can I have ice cream?
Me: It's a little early.
6: Ice cream can't tell time.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 7, 2020
1. We’re just so hopeful every time.
We don’t vacation with kids, we take trips.
What’s your favorite part about traveling with kids and why is it not a god damn thing
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 1, 2020
Parenting goals, right? I love when dads make me laugh – it’s a special brand of giggles.
What about you? Any of these tickle your funny bone?
Let us know in the comments, fam!