Everyone who is married loves reading people making jokes about marriage, and that’s because if we don’t laugh about all of the hard and annoying and silly things that go along with cohabitation and long-lasting relationships, we’ll all cry.
Or get divorced.
If you’re in need of a funny reminder that life is just the same for everyone, may I submit these 14 tweets for consideration.
14. Yeah you don’t want any part of that.
How are you supposed to entertain yourself at home if your neighbors don’t fight?
I have my windows open today and I just heard my neighbor shout “I love you” to her husband as he worked in their yard and now I know I live next door to psychopaths
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) April 18, 2020
13. Gotta keep leveling up!
Otherwise, how will you know you’re adding years to your belt?
Made it to that level of marriage where you get in trouble for being able to fall asleep so fast.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 8, 2020
12. It’s okay to go to bed, just maybe in a different room.
You have to sleep.
Guys, never go to bed if you’re still fighting with your wife. Snoring will never help your argument.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) May 30, 2020
11. Which is good, because otherwise he’d just flip channels until forever.
Or you’d have to watching something like Wicked Tuna.
My husband and I have non-traditonal marriage roles. I control the tv remote while he sighs.
— Rachel Noise (@RachelNoise) June 4, 2020
10. The d*ck jokes really never stop.
Would you really want them to? (Don’t answer that).
Me, giving my husband’s eulogy: It’s so hard
Husband, from coffin: ᵀʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ʷʰᵃᵗ ˢʰᵉ ˢᵃᶦᵈ.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 26, 2020
9. Are these grounds for divorce?
Definitely go to therapy, though.
Listen: I just found out that my husband eats spaghetti with a spoon so I can’t listen to your problems right now.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) May 15, 2020
8. It’s important to know these things going in.
It’s not all bad though, right?
My wife just yelled at me for walking too loudly if any of you were thinking of getting into a relationship.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 11, 2020
7. Trust me, she knows, too.
Sweaty sheets are the worst.
If I go missing, it's because I adjusted the thermostat 1° warmer while she was sleeping.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) May 28, 2020
6. You’re never gonna get the response you were hoping for.
Sorry not sorry.
My husband texted me from Costco to let me know there was a line & I think he was looking for me to say “don’t worry about it, just come home” but instead I said “don’t forget the ice.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 11, 2020
5. Routines are hard to break.
I’m sure he missed his butt pat, too.
Accidentally forgot to pat my husband’s butt when he bent over today and he spent the entire day thinking I was mad at him. Marriage. Is. Wild.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 10, 2020
4. I mean, at least.
Maybe it will be something good but probably not.
My husband is at Lowe's, unsupervised. There's $500 I'll never get back.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) May 23, 2020
3. And they say men are clueless.
He definitely needs to buy that birthday cake.
My wife said she’d buy her own birthday cake this is a test right
— DadBroDad (@DadBroDad1) May 26, 2020
2. She still has to look at you, though.
I’m just saying.
Me: *Staying inside all day and seeing no one because we are in quarantine*
Wife: Is that what you are going to wear?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 22, 2020
1. Did he say it to an adult or to a child?
It makes a difference, I think.
My husband just said, "Okey dokey, Artichokey," and now I'm wondering if anyone can recommend a good divorce lawyer.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) May 9, 2020
This is just what I needed today!
Well, this and coffee.
Tell us which one was your favorite in the comments!