Hey, why the long face? Life got you a little beaten down at the moment?
Well, I have just the thing.
Tweets! Funny tweets! Funny tweets that are gonna make you smile!
1. That’s never a good sign.
first time in subway and the worker took a picture of my order ?? am I doing this wrong pic.twitter.com/wNZoPCdmxj
— anna ? (@annajames33) August 31, 2019
2. Five very solid films.
Top Movies Your Boyfriend Wants to Watch:
-An Idiot Saves the President
-Rich Boy Hero 4
-Silent Hero Journey Boy
-Fight Fight Fight
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 23, 2015
3. Read the whole thing…
Breaking news: pic.twitter.com/UpSlZaAXht
— Crap Local News (@CrapLocalNews) February 13, 2017
4. Here we go…
DOG BOSS: Any messages for me?
DOG ASSISTANT: just one from Mr. Agoodboy
DOG BOSS: who’s Agoodboy?
DOG ASSISTANT: *tail starts wagging*
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) December 10, 2015
5. A total failure.
cleaning out your fridge is such a humiliating experience. you bought these plums and you didn’t eat them in time. you absolute failure. you miserable piece of
— danny and 23 others (@dsemumi) August 27, 2019
6. Sad but true.
— Bruja? (@lexstasy7) February 26, 2017
7. Hadn’t thought about that…
My girl just asked me what am i getting her for Rihanna's birthday
— Mágico (@brodieguapo) February 19, 2017
8. I like the sound of that.
"Come along, Trash Spaceship," I say to my purse as we leave the house.
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) October 2, 2013
9. Can you please stop eating?
*continues eating while receiving the Heimlich*
— Mark Magark (@markedly) June 24, 2016
10. You’re good, keep going.
my friends supporting my bad driving pic.twitter.com/UuOKALs6Sa
— ¿alex? (@hoemoticon) August 18, 2019
11. They don’t exist.
When a zoo animal dies they always call it "beloved" or a "crowd favorite" like there's some animal named "Jimmy the zebra everyone hates"
— Autumnal Daniel (Friend to all Skeletons) (@ItsDanSheehan) February 28, 2017
12. I think you nailed it.
me, who clearly doesn't know the lyrics to Footloose:
PICKED A FIGHT WITH A MOOSE
WATCH OUT, THERE ARE TEN BEES
— Petergeist ??️? ➡️ AdventureX 2019 (@Peter5tewart) September 16, 2018
13. Here I am!
coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine pic.twitter.com/WhhVYldUze
— Ash (an haunted female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) August 11, 2019
14. Who are you?
I was in a park and a lady loudly called out "Anyone who wants an ice cream come over here". I headed over with several others. She handed out ices to them all then asked me "Who are you?". I realised the rest were all her family. 30 years later I still cringe.
— Ayn Randy (@ItsAndyRyan) August 25, 2019
15. It’ll be an interesting day.
when I get married each of my bridesmaids have to wear the outfit they were wearing when I saw them throw up for the first time
— ellory smith spooky & hot (@ellorysmith) July 28, 2019
Is that a smile I see?
Good, then we did our jobs today!