Kids really do say the darndest things, and if you have children, you know that from the mouths of babes can come hilarious truths, funny comments, and a hundred observations that are actually super ideal in the moment.
If you can’t get enough of the great things kids say, these 15 people are here to share the best things they’ve heard from the kids in their lives.
15. How adorable.
My cousin got a job as a classroom assistant in the school her 4 year old son was at. Being only 4 and hearing others calling her Miss xxxxxxx and him being used to calling her mummy, he got confused and started calling her Miss mummy. The others in the class then followed suit and started calling her Miss mummy
14. What a sweetheart.
When my kiddo was about four years old, I heard my son talking to himself in the bathroom and went to check on him. He was using a small piece of cardboard to push a spider in the direction of the bath tub – talking to the spider the entire time.
““Excuse me, sir. Pardon me, sir, can I invite you to perhaps travel this way? Oh, no, not that way, sir. Over here, sir. Pardon me, sir, I don’t feel you’re listening…”
13. I love this story.
About 2 years ago my son, 3 years old, was all about ninjas. He wanted to be one and stayed in a ninja-like state of mind for a day in day out. I would come home from work and he would be hiding from me ready to ninja kick me in the legs haha. It was fun.
So, one morning when we were walking back to the apartment from dropping off one of my other kids at school, my son assumes his ninja stance.
Me: Not now, let’s keep walking.
Son: But papi I’m not playing right now. I’m going to have to fight.
Me: Why? Who are you going to fight?
Son: That ninja walking towards us
I look up to see a woman dressed in a traditional Indian headdress and she was within earshot of what my son said. Before I could apologize, she assumed a ninja stance too! It was quite funny and I’m happy she played along.
12. That long, eh?
Child prodigy golfer aged 12 beat a 40-something former college player. As they were shaking hands, she says, “Don’t feel bad I’ve been playing since I was 6.”
11. She’s not wrong.
Three year old niece, while I was driving her home one day: I knew the dinosaurs would come and get me one day… ( with a sigh of acceptance)
There were two large cranes working on a bridge…
10. A deep thinker.
In the car one day when my daughter was three, all was quiet until she said:
“Do you guys ever think we’re not really here?”
Husband says “what?”
Daughter says ” maybe we’re just part of the story that someone is reading to their baby at bedtime. And then what will happen to us when the story ends?”
Of course my reply was to look at my husband and ask if he had gotten her high.
9. I’m sure it makes sense to her.
“I’m only half-Mexican now, but when I get older and my dad teaches me Spanish, I’ll be a whole Mexican.”
Also, she used to refer to The Big Lebowski as “that movie where the guy smells the milk.”
8. Oh, to have that self confidence.
When she was young, my friend was singing in the car when, all of a sudden, she started crying.
Her mum asked her what was wrong, and she replied: ‘I’m crying at how beautiful my voice is.’
7. She did indeed.
Me: Hey, Nice hair! She: Thanks, the barber gave it to me.
I was amused.
6. Unintentional laughs.
When my brother was like 5, my aunt and uncle came over for thanksgiving dinner. He greeted them at the door (they’re his godparents, so they spoiled him a bit) enthusiastically and loudly said “UNCLE JACK, IS THAT A STICK IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?!”
he apparently had heard it in a movie and just thought it was a normal greeting for someone you’re very fond of and might have a present for you. We laughed hysterically and told him not to say that anymore.
Tried to explain it in a PG way but he didn’t get it till he was like 12 or so. We still give him s*%t for it to this day and he’s 23 now.
5. At least.
was babysitting a 6 year old when she asked me:
“How many people are in the world?”
“We’re around 7 billion!” Showing her how big the number was by writing it down.
“Wow… there must be at least 168 parents out there…”
4. Some days, anyway.
As a teacher of health, I have a question box…
“What’s a vulva?” comes up every year or two.
Except last year one kid immediately put up his hand and with the kind of glee on his face that only being 100% sure of something can bring, he proudly exclaimed “That’s a car!”…
My coffee has never missed my mouth that badly before as I tried to hold back the laugh that would have crushed his soul…
Ahhhh teaching is fun 😀
3. Dream big, kiddo.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“A sabre-tooth tiger” – my 5 year old cousin
Later decided he’d rather be a drumkit.
2. He may have the wrong takeaway.
I was coaching a soccer camp one summer and a little kid started talking about the real story of Hercules (Hera made him go insane and kill his wife and children, driving him to perform deeds to a king as retribution). I decided to chip in to the conversations about greek mythology by telling them about Odyssey escaping the cyclops (Odysseus told the cyclops thay his name was “nobody” so that when he escaped, the cyclops would be screaming “nobody stabbed my eye, nobody is escaping,” and the other cyclones wouldn’t help him).
He loved the story. He was laughing so hard. So I said “he’s clever, isn’t he?” and the little kid said “I’m going to use that trick with girls! They’ll go home and say ‘nobody likes me, nobody kissed me!'”
1. Not terrible logic.
Four-year-old nephew:
“Boogers are poop from your nose,
so I don’t eat them.”
I’m dead, y’all. Stuff like this really makes the whole kid thing worth it.
Add your own favorite thing you’ve heard from a kid in the comments!