Kids can be trying, and they can be silly and even completely stupid sometimes, but listen – none of that doesn’t mean they don’t have great thoughts to share, and ways of looking at the world that the rest of us have outgrown.
If you love hearing gems come from the mouths of babes, you’re going to love these 16 amazing statements people have heard from children.
16. She needs to work on her letters. Ha!
My 4 year old niece to my father :
Leans in close and whispers “Grandpa, I know the ‘A’ word…” Grandpa hoping to have some fun catching her saying a bad word “Really, what’s the ‘A’ word?” My niece says loud and proud, “F**k!”
Dad hit the floor with that one.
15. Oh, man, that’s a burn.
5yo: “You’re old!”.
Me: “I’m not that old (with a slight tone of indignation). How old do you think I am?”.
5yo: “The last number.”
14. How do you answer that?
I was observing an elementary school teacher and she asked her students if they had any questions for me.
The first question I got was “where exactly did you get your hair cut? Because my mom’s hair looks terrible.”
13. It’s a great way to find things out.
After the usual machine gun style question and answer session with my 5 year old my wife asked her why she asks so many questions.
Her response: “Umm. Well, I don’t know anything.”
12. Of course you did.
In a hushed conspiratorial tone “One time? I touched my poop.”
11. That’s pretty metal.
Driving down a steep hill I said to my then 4 year old “sometimes I like to pretend I’m on a roller coaster when we go downhill”.
She replied “sometimes I pretend I’m riding a ferris wheel made of bones”.
10. Bless her heart.
My daughter was 5 and we were at the park. She was jumping up and down pogo-style everywhere through the park and approached a couple other girls to play with her. The older of the two girls was really snobby and asked why my kid was jumping like that. Kiddo said she was practicing how to be a kangaroo. The other little girl said “That’s stupid. You’re never going to be a kangaroo.”
My daughter, still jumping, looked at her and said, “Maybe not. But all you’ll ever be is human.” And pogoed her butt to the other side of the park. She kept it up till we left the park too.
The other favorite quote I have from her was when she cussed in front of me for the first time and it was pre-coffee early in the morning. I told her that was a grown up word and she wasn’t allowed to say that yet. She asked when she would be allowed to cuss.
Without thinking, I said “You can cuss when you get boobs.”
Her whole face lit up and she said” YOU MEAN I GET TO HAVE BOOBS?”
9. What everyone needed.
At my grandmother’s funeral, when the priest asked us all for a moment of silence to remember my grandmother.
My 5 year old brother, amidst all the silence and hushed crying saw the priest lighting candles and started singing at the top of his lungs, “happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!”
He turned one of the saddest moments of my life into the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
8. He’s not wrong.
One of my sons was 5 years old and made a color copy of a $1 bill (both sides), cut them out, and taped them together. As an added bonus, he wrote 20 on each corner with a green marker then tried to present it to me.
After telling him about counterfeiting and the various problems, I added that it wouldn’t even work because most people would look at it and know instantly it was counterfeit.
“But I don’t have to fool all the people,” he responded, “I just have to fool one person”.
Well… hmmm. I had to think about that one.
7. One or the other.
When we were heading to visit my mum in hospital my 5 year old worriedly asked “Is granny going to be ok?”. My 3 year old son answered “well she will get better or get dead!”
I guess he wasn’t wrong…
6. It’s a fair point.
Well, in Jiu Jitsu last week, I had a 7 year old kid ask me, “What’s the point of learning to defend ourselves when we’re all just going to die anyway?”
I had to step away to laugh. I had no idea how to answer that question.
5. He’s going to be a writer.
Whilst looking at a rain puddle which had formed over a small oil spill “Oh look, a dead rainbow…”
4. I can see their future now.
A couple of years ago, two of my little brothers (they were 3 and 5), we asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. The older said excitedly, “I want to be a Missionary! And go to Ecuador!”
The younger piped in, “And I want to be a dinosaur! That eats missionaries!”
3. That’s deep.
My kid’s first-grade teacher collected a lot of “good advice” from her students and put them on a bulletin board. There were several gems, but one that stands out in my memory is:
“If you’re being dragged, let go of the leash.”
2. Well that’s adorable.
My two year old daughter calls helicopters “hello-copters” and she waves to them every time she sees one.
1. I’m dead.
I dated a woman who had a 5 year old daughter. It was Christmas time and we took her to the store to get a new stocking. She took her sweet time and when she finally picked one out she yelled in the crowded aisle “ALRIGHT, NOW LET’S GO GET SOME HOOKERS!!”
I swear time stopped and everyone snapped their heads towards us.
Turns out she was referring to those little weighted knickknacks that sit on the fireplace mantle and you hook the stocking on.
I would have been stopped cold by so many of these.
What’s the best thing you’ve ever heard a kid say? Tell us in the comments!