Children are lovely and sweet and amazing, and one of the ways they are amazing is the totally honest and frank way that they see and describe the world around them.

It’s a little less endearing, however, when they use that brutal honesty to completely eviscerate the grown people in the room with them. You don’t have to be their parent, or even know them – they will come for you.

You’ll learn the hard way, the same as these 17 people did.

17. That’s about as awkward as it gets.

Took my 4 year old swimming.

At the completion I took him to the men’s locker and getting into dry clothes.

Amidst dressing he says loud enough for all to hear, “I love your penis, Dad.”

16. Dang, with the comeback, too!

I was bagging a lady’s groceries and her kid asked me, “why are you so fat?”

My brilliant comeback was, “why are you so short?” To which he replied, “I’m not short, I’m 5.”

15. Only briefly?

My dad tells this story to every guy I date. When I was 5 or 6, he took me to the communal men’s mikvah for some reason (a mikvah is a Jewish ritual bath where dudes sometimes just chill in there naked) and one of the guys there was the hazzan/cantor, who was very hairy and very overweight.

As soon as I saw him, I pointed at his penis and screamed “it looks like a hairy turtle!” My parents briefly considered switching synagogues after that.

14. Not the way to donuts.

When my son was six, walking through LAX and he’s complaining that I wouldn’t get him donuts.

I’m holding his hand and walking along and all of a sudden he stops and starts screaming… “STOP IT I DONT KNOW YOU! SOMEBODY HELP ME I DONT KNOW THIS MAN!”

I’m snarling at him under my breath “dude you gotta stop that right now you can’t say that stuff, that’s not funny”. But oh no he keeps it up until the cops show up…

Missed flight… everyone staring like I was some piece of crap trying to kidnap an innocent kid.

Did not get him donuts.

13. This is absolutely epic.

not our kid, but my wife worked as a child minder and took some of the minded kids to a toddler group. One of the other kids started swearing, and his embarrassed mum said:

“I’m so sorry, he picks up some dreadful language at playgroup”

The kid piped up:

“I don’t go to fucking playgroup”

12. That’s the thanks you get.

I’m a preschool teacher, we were on the outside playground and it was a hot day. A kid fell off the swing-set so I rush over to check on him. He’s full on sobbing, leans against my body then pulls away suddenly yelling “Eew! I don’t like the smell of you!”

I couldn’t even laugh it off.

11. This is good parenting tbh.

I had to take my four year old to the doctor and while we were in the waiting room a nearby toddler started crying VERY loudly, like scream crying for whatever reason. My son waits until the other kid stops, does a very dramatic lowering and shake of his head then YELLS “He has problems with emotions huh mom?!?!”

Which is him trying to talk the way I talk to him when he’s coping with big emotions but good god the way it came out and the volume was…. mortifying.

10. Shamed into better health.

Upon seeing my younger cousin for the first time since I left for college, she shouted, “Oh my god! Are you having a baby?!” in front of my entire family.

I wasn’t pregnant. I gained that freshman 15. Instantly stopped drinking as much and started going to our campus gym every weekend when I returned to school.

9. Raising him right.

By “child,” I mean Teen. Driving with my son, and saw a cloud that looked like a d%*k. I snickered, because I am not a mature adult. He looked up, asked what I was laughing at, and I told him “cloud looks like a d%*k.”

He glanced at it and said, ” I guess it kinda does, if you squint, and tilt your head just right, and spend all day thinking about d%*ks.”

Proud of that kid.

8. Children and public restrooms are a recipe for disaster.

I don’t remember this story but my mom tells it all the time. When I was five my mom took me into the stall in the women’s rest room because she had to go. She had been in there awhile and the bathroom had been crowded so she asked me, “MindfulMuser, can you take a look and see if there is a big line out there?”

I excitedly screamed, “A LION?!?” And flung the stall door open.

There was a big line.

7. It was going so well at first.

My child was 3 while we were waiting in a doctor’s office. An exquisitely dressed elderly woman was sitting next to us and started talking to my son.

Kid is fascinated by all the sparkly jewels and such, and says, “I love your shiny necklace, and your pretty earrings…and your yellow teeth.”

6. They just had no sense of humor, obviously.

My little sister is ten years younger than me. When we were maybe 5 and 15 or so respectively, we were walking through a restaurant parking lot when a big group of bikers exited to their bikes. These guys had the leather get-up, the bandanas on their heads, chains, the works. My sister pointed to them and exclaimed “LOOK, PIRATES!”

They didn’t think it was funny.

5. That was a long tour.

I had some people over and my 4 year old nephew starts shouting “is anyone here afraid of spiders?” Once he had everyone’s attention, he told us all that if anyone was afraid of spiders they needed to leave because he found cobwebs, and cobwebs mean spiders.

He then proceeded to point out every single cobweb in the house to our guests.

4. This is too adorable.

My little brother likes to tell people that my tummy may look like it’s full of fat. But it’s actually full of love. It’s both sweet and awkward.

3. Give him a mop and a duster.

My friend’s 5 year old came over the other week and started pulling things and dust out from underneath the couch and told me I didn’t clean well enough haha.

Then he opened up our linen closet and told me it smelled bad.

2. That’s a tough moment to save.

My wife was out with my 2yo daughter who pointed at a lady wearing a traditional indian dress and stated “piss-ed”. The lady probably heard “piss-head”, but what daughter was trying to pronounce was “princess”.

1. You’ve gotta watch those public quotes.

When my sister was 9 she shouted “white power” while waiting in line at dorney park. We are Hispanic.

The Clayton Biggsby Dave Chapelle skit had just been released and we were laughing about it at home. My bro thought it would be funny to quote in public not knowing at all why it was funny.

They call ’em like they see ’em, y’all, but they also have no life experience or frame of reference, so you know. Keep that in mind.

Tell us in the comments the worst way a child has ever embarrassed you!