If there’s one thing kids are super good at – even when they’re not really trying – it’s knowing every last one of their parents buttons and pushing them right when mom or dad is nearing their breaking point.
It’s almost like they want to watch us flip out and then talk about how crazy we are for “no reason,” right?
And these 16 kids definitely have it down to a science.
16. It’s always those darn sleeves.
Sometimes it’s a sock, though.
Causes of 3-year-old’s meltdowns this morning:
-Banana too small
-Top of banana slightly squashed
-Honey on porridge doesn’t sufficiently resemble “a swimming pool”
-Sister had her 1st wee before his 3rd
-Doesn’t want scooter
-Does want scooter
-Something to do with sleeves— Tom Gatti (@Tom_Gatti) April 2, 2019
15. They can’t all be the smartest crayon in the box.
Hopefully he’s cute. Bless his heart.
Today my son drew in red marker all over his face then got scared that we’d be mad so he tried to hide it by wrapping toilet paper around his head like a mummy. Then he promptly ran into a wall and nearly knocked himself unconscious. A comedy of errors every day with this kid.
— The Honorable Matt Walsh (@MattWalshBlog) November 26, 2019
14. When you’re so stunned you don’t even know what to say.
Angry will come later.
My son lost his cello. A cello. A whole cello which is as big as he is. Do you know how big a cello is? How do you lose a cello? I need answers. I don't understand what's happening.
— Abra Barbier (@BarbierAbra) August 2, 2019
13. He wants to believe the best of you.
But I mean, he always needs to be sure.
I’m writing a condolence card. Gregory (5) asks what I’m doing. “I’m writing a note to say how sorry I am that my friend’s mom died,” I say.
He pauses for a VERY fraught moment and then asks, oh so tentatively
“…that’s just to be kind, right? You’re not the one who did it?”
— Miriel Thomas Reneau (@mirielmargaret) May 16, 2020
12. Kids are so, so weird.
This one is definitely going to be a comedian one day.
https://twitter.com/jungleland/status/1190040501023625217
11. This isn’t as annoying as it is adorable, if you ask me.
Hilarious how their minds work, isn’t it?
Years ago: Son asks about a cemetery. I say “that’s where they bury dead bodies” long pause from him… then he asks, “what do they do with the heads?”
— Melissa DeCarlo (@melisdecarlo) May 18, 2020
10. Meanwhile he has never helped fold the actual towel.
I’m guessing, but also I know.
4yo: fold me like a towel
Me: what?
4yo: FOLD ME
Me: okaaay
4yo: stack me on top of the towels
Me: what?
4yo: STACK ME
Parenthood is wild
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 12, 2020
9. This makes sense. A giant tomato is coming!
My 3yo also calls it a tomato siren.
We went into the basement for a tornado.
My 3-year-old thought we were hiding from a tomato.
Honestly, that scared her even more.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 2, 2016
8. One day it’s not going to be that easy.
It might be tomorrow. You never know.
Toddler: Daddy I want toast.
Me: ok, buddy. Here’s some toast.
Toddler: I don’t like butter on my toast
Me: (flips toast over to the dry side and hands it back) There ya go.
Toddler: Thanks Daddy!
Toddlers are dumb. Take advantage of it while you can.#Dadlife
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) January 23, 2019
7. At least he’s not old enough to lie well yet.
There will come a day…
me, laying on the couch
toddler: dad, I didn't go peepee anywhere. I want you to know I didn't.
me, getting off the couch
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 12, 2019
6. I had a roommate like that in college.
We never really change, do we.
3 year old threw herself across her dad’s lap. Her face was covered in peanut butter and she kept yelling “I WANNA COLOR.” Then she cried. Then she wanted a hug. Then she took off her shirt and yelled about how hot it was.
Who needs drunken nights out when you’ve got toddlers?
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) February 5, 2020
5. It might actually be better if he was being a smartass.
Because the alternative is not so great.
Told my 6yo his shoes were on the wrong feet. After a very long pause he said, "I don't have any other feet."
#MyKidIsWeird— Gina Denny (@ginad129) March 30, 2016
4. Everyone ends up crying in the end.
That’s potty training, my friends.
3: *asks for help w/ potty*
Me: *tries to help*
3: *demands privacy*
Me: *leaves*
3: *asks for help*
Me: *tries to help*
3: *demands privacy*
Me: *leaves*
3: *asks for help*
Me: *tries to help*
3: *demands privacy*
Me: *leaves*
3: *asks for help*
Me: *cries for help*
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 1, 2020
3. NOT THE COFFEE.
That is the absolute worst place to spit a chicken nugget and my kid have spit plenty of them.
https://twitter.com/papaneedscoffee/status/1222159740005908480
2. The one thing that’s definitely going to happen is that you will be woken up.
That one is a given.
Having toddlers is cool because you never know how you're going to be woken up.
Gentle kiss on the cheek?
Cannonball to the uterus?
Getting your face licked?
Sweet "good morning Mama"?
Head butt angry dinosaur style?The possibilities are endless.
And usually painful.— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 22, 2020
1. Sometimes it just needs a rebrand.
Marketing is magic, y’all.
9yo didn’t want to try my lemon loaf but when I rebranded it as “lemonade cake” he was interested
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) April 24, 2020
I’m just waiting for the day my kids start to do this on purpose…if they’re not already.
What do your kids do that sends you over the edge? Let’s commiserate in the comments!