The world has changed a lot since people started, you know, having babies and raising families. A lot a lot. Human beings used to live in villages, and when women had children, everyone helped – with the birth, caring for mom and baby and other kids postpartum, and yeah, if one mom needed a day to breathe, there were women who would take her brood for the day, no questions asked.
One day, she would do it for them.
Now? We’re isolated. I didn’t realize how much that was true until I became a mom that stays home with her children, either, but the truth is, parenting young children can be extremely lonely.
If you’re lucky (I am), you have parents and other family nearby and a partner that’s supportive. Friends who are in the same stage of life as you and who live near enough to help out.
Even so, it’s hard. No one warns you about how hard it will be, and worse, everyone assumes that “staying home with your kids” is the best possible life, leaving the women who do it and struggle feeling like they’re not allowed to speak up when they’re miserable.
Which is kind of exactly what mom Bridgette Anne was feeling when she posted a raw, heartbreaking post about how not-okay she is after taking on the role for the first time.
You can’t do anything by yourself; go to the bathroom, enjoy a cup of coffee, read, hell you can’t even scrub the shit out of pants for the 3rd time in a day without someone crying or screaming at your leg.
You don’t get breaks unless they are sleeping; which even then you use that time to clean up
You struggle to come up with ways to entertain someone for literally 12 hours a day every day.
You wear the same clothes that smell like sweat and tears for days at a time because it’s already stained and no use in ruining more clothes.
You forget what it means or feels like to be an individual; because your entire existence now revolves around that child.
You look at working moms and get jealous because you wish you could have an excuse to have an adult conversation without being interrupted.
You lock yourself in the bathroom and scream into a towel while crying because you need a second to breathe; all while a child is banging on the door to get in…
I was one of those people who judged SAHM’s. But I get it now. The people who said they’d be there to help have all but disappeared, and you’re left with this overwhelming sense of failure.
My house isn’t clean, I’m not clean, the dishes aren’t done, I have screamed already today, I have cried, and I have felt so damn guilty that my child was here to witness it.
But I am alone….and I am lonely
People were quick to rally around Bridgette online, offering words of support and encouragement, but I wish there were more and easier ways for SAHMs to connect in real life. To be there for each other, to take each other’s kids for an afternoon, to meet at the part so you can have some coffee and conversation that doesn’t include constant requests for water and peeled fruit.
Being a SAHM is wonderful, but it’s also very, very hard. And until we can come to terms with the fact that both of those things can be true at the same time, moms everywhere are still going to struggle.
That’s not good for anyone, y’all, so please. Be kind, reach out, listen, be supportive. We can still be a village, but we have to try a lot harder to make it work.