More and more, the world is becoming accepting of all choices when it comes to having and raising children. Some people want to have a dozen kids, others prefer to stick to the more standard two, while others want to adopt or foster or – gasp! – choose not to have any children at all.
While the latter is a very valid choice that people are making in increasing numbers – for super valid reasons, by the way – they don’t have to be so smug about how great and happy and rested their lives are right out there for the rest of us to see.
These 23 childfree people didn’t get the memo, and so I pass along their bragging tweets to you.
23. I mean they’re not exactly alike.
But they do have some things in common.
Family: Why would you get tattoos? They’re expensive and painful to get and they are PERMANENT!
Also family: Have a baby 🙂
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) September 17, 2018
22. I mean, there are plenty of times in our lives when a negative test is a relief.
Like, most of our lives except a very brief window.
Normalize women not being baby incubators by showing them in pregnancy test commercials celebrating negative results
— Rachel Fisher (@TheRachelFisher) February 3, 2018
21. There are so many choices.
This is a good one, though.
condom commercials should just be a live-feed of couples trying to enjoy a decent meal at a restaurant with their kids
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 20, 2018
20. You can make a family out of anything.
And as long as there is love, it’s a good one.
Stop saying “start a family” when you mean “have kids”
A couple is still a family. A single person and a dog is a family. Three weirdly close roommates could be a family. You don’t need kids to be a family
— Kolkata_Chhori (@Kolkata_Chhori) April 29, 2020
19. If only we could have seen the future.
It probably wouldn’t have changed anything. But.
Y’all was making fun of us for being 30+ with no kids… how them loud ass kids treatin y’all during this 24/7 quarantine?? pic.twitter.com/juKvVGL9Vp
— Spike Lo Ren 🗡 (@SpikeReeds) March 31, 2020
18. We’re all better for her efforts, honestly.
No way my kid would have worn that for more than 5 minutes.
People say " You're 40 now. You should be settling down and having kids. "
Well I'm busy at the moment making sure my dogs taco costume is ready for Halloween. pic.twitter.com/K0KWAasT6r
— Destry Monteith Broderick (@DestryBrod) September 8, 2018
17. Dogs are more sympathetic than kids.
They’re not human.
My neighbors have both a howling dog and a screaming baby out in their yard. I'd throw a rock or something but I'm afraid I'd hit the dog.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) February 21, 2011
16. I’m just going to set this down right here.
I mean…it’s not a bad idea.
Mandatory vasectomies until you want to have children.
They can be reversed, so.
Come on guys, Lets save lives! What's that? A hard no? Why? Cause it's your body and we don't get to make that choice for you? Oooooohhhhh!!!
— Dave Vescio (@DaveVescio) May 22, 2020
15. Good luck with that.
That would be some kind of magic!
Mom holding crying baby: He just needs to be changed.
Me: Yeah hopefully into a puppy or something quieter.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 5, 2015
14. This is an extremely fair point.
It’s always a toss-up whether my child or my puppy will be more destructive on any given day.
Biggest scam ever…
Apartments charging pet fees but not children fees. My cat literally lays on a blanket all day while I can literally hear children beating on the walls.
— Shalinda Kirby (@ShalindaKirby) August 9, 2018
13. This isn’t the way we wanted everyone to find out, but…
We’re so proud.
[Thanksgiving at the In-laws]
Me (patting wife’s belly): “Remember you’re eating for two now”
Mother-in-law (smiling): “You mean…”
Me: “That’s right. She’s got a tapeworm”
— 🇺🇸Frank Whítehouse 🇺🇸 (@WheelTod) November 13, 2017
12. That’s a good way to save for vacation.
Which you can afford, because there are only two of you.
my fiancé and I started a baby jar & every time someone asks when we’re going to have kids we put a dollar in & when the jar is full we will spend it on whatever we want bc we don’t have kids
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) December 22, 2019
11. It’s the circle of life.
They just wanted everyone else to understand their misery.
Everyone who told me that I would change my mind about having kids is now telling me how lucky I am not to have kids.
— Nina Bargiel, Anti-Fascist. BLM. (@slackmistress) April 30, 2015
10. A very important distinction.
Because of course, words matter.
Asking couples why are they childless is so fucking rude and obnoxious. You don't see me going around asking ppl to justify their choice to procreate in an overpopulated world with diminishing resources. And for the record, we are not childless, we are #childfree .
— Cristina Rad (@CrissRad) April 5, 2019
9. Asking the hard questions.
There aren’t any really good answers, either.
Stop questioning 25+ year olds why they don't have kids and ask yourself why you started at 20 and continued to have them when you know you couldn't afford them.
— Jonathan Fowler (@JonathanFowle10) March 7, 2018
8. Too many people don’t think about why they ARE doing it at all.
Which is kind of not fair to the kiddo.
don’t have kids if you cannot accept that children will grow into a whole person with their own thoughts, ideologies, sexuality, preferences, beliefs & values. no child should be forced&conditioned into a mini you or fulfill your lost dreams. don’t have kids if that’s your plan.
— ♑︎ 𝟜𝟜𝟜 ♑︎ (@ninisalinass) November 26, 2018
7. Or you know, relaxed and free.
Also, they have money!
Maybe instead of calling women without children "Childless" we should call them "Well-rested"
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) September 15, 2015
6. It’s funny because it’s true.
So much money. *weeps*
— Anthony Ⓥ🌹 (@sauteslut) December 22, 2020
5. This is just hilarious.
Not everyone loves babies!
When people ask if I want to hold their baby pic.twitter.com/YA8lfdpJR0
— vinny (@Vynse) January 27, 2015
4. Well obviously this should be a thing.
I cannot stop laughing.
Oh, so when other ppl call their pets "fur baby" its fine but when I call a kid a "skin dog" somehow I'm "disgusting" and "the worst pediatrician in this hospital"??
— Andy Matthews (@stupidoldandy) November 28, 2019
3. Also sometimes they do cry all of the time.
Just keeping it real.
HER: Do you want to have kids?
HER: Why not?
ME: I couldn't take all the crying
HER: They don't cry all the time
ME: No, I meant me
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) November 3, 2016
2. That’s quite a gamble.
And your odds aren’t great.
We spent $12,775 on daycare last year, for anyone currently using the pull out method.
— BIG geLATO 🍧 (@ChefNeecie) April 17, 2018
1. I actually love this.
A family is what you make it.
My fiancé and I are childless, but I intentionally call us two a “family” to interrogate the myth that “starting a family” requires children.
— Authentic Black Girl (@NatashaMLee) December 24, 2020
I love my kids and they make me happy – but as someone who waited until her late 30s to make that call, I can certainly see how woman (and men) can also find ways to be happy without babies in their lives.
What’s your take on people deciding to be childfree? Whatever it is, let’s not talk about it in the comments, because their choices have nothing to do with us!