Kids say all kinds of things if you listen to them long enough – funny things, poignant things, things you can’t decipher, and yeah, sh*t that will totally and completely freak you out.
And if I’d been the one to hear any of these 16 comments firsthand, I would have been sleeping with one eye open until they grew up and moved out.
16. What the actual f*ck.
“My little cousin came home and started staring at all the Christmas decorations.
He said, ‘Hmmm. It will take 11 days.’
Eleven days later, we went out for dinner and an intruder took most of our decorations.”
15. Definitely going to need to lock those up.
“When my sister was four, she walked by my bed and saw scissors.
She stopped, looked back at them, and then said, ‘You know, I could chop your head off with these. Goodnight.'”
14. I would have crapped my pants.
“I was changing my daughter’s diaper in the middle of the night when my 2-year-old came in and stood next to me.
She looked at me with a big smile and, in a sing-song voice, said, ‘Mommy, there’s somebody behind you!’
The scary thing was that we were home alone.
13. Yeah, no, anything but clowns.
“When my son was three, we were driving at night and passed a big, empty house with no lights on.
He pointed to the house, started waving his tiny hand, and said, ‘There’s a clown in there.’ I’ve refused to take that road ever since.”
12. I would have done some research.
“My friend’s 4-year-old had an imaginary friend: Jenna.
One time we were in the car and stopped at a red light next to a cemetery.
She looked up and said, ‘Bye, Jenna.’ Her mom asked where Jenna was going.
She then pointed to the cemetery and said, ‘Home. She lives there.'”
11. That’s a very specific thing to say.
“I was a camp counsellor, and while running a program called ‘paint the counsellors,’ a 4-year-old leaned in behind me, started painting my hair, and whispered in my ear, ‘I’m gonna peel off all your skin.'”
10. I mean. Yeah. I’ve got nothing.
“When our second daughter was born, our 3-year-old whispered in her ear, ‘Tell me what God looks like. I forget.’
It freaked my husband and me out!”
9. Maybe it’s time to buy that cemetery plot.
“My daughter and I went for a walk through a cemetery while we waited for my son to finish his piano lessons next door.
She stopped dead in the middle of the graveyard, pointed at a grave, spaced out, and said, ‘This is where you’re going to sleep. Forever.'”
8. Oh my god no she needs to move now.
“I was changing my daughter’s shirt, and I got a feeling that there was another person around, but we were home alone.
My daughter looked behind me and said, ‘She’s hanging from the roof, mommy. Don’t look.’
Never have I moved so fast in my life.”
7. I guess she has his number, though?
“One of my preschool students decided to tell us about the ‘man’ who watches over her from her doorway while she sleeps.
She told us that he gets ‘very close’ to her face, and when she tells him to leave her alone, he disappears.
6. What age are we when we start to forget?
“We were walking outside and my younger brother got scared of how loud the church bells were and started to cry.
I had no recollection of this, but my mom swore that I comforted him by saying: ‘Don’t worry. I used to be scared of them too, before I died, but I’m not anymore.'”
5. Well, someone hasn’t seen Toy Story. I hope.
“I walked into the bathroom to get my 4-year-old out of the bath, and she quietly said, ‘Mom, all my toys are dead. I held them under the water, and now they’re dead.’
She then whispered over and over again, ‘Dead in the water, dead in the water, dead in the water.’”
4. Yeah, I’d be careful for a WHILE.
“I was watching TV and my 5-year-old sister cuddled up to me and started to make circles with her finger around my lips.
She said, ‘A man is going to shoot you. You’re gonna die, you know. Soon…’
She normally giggles when she lies, but this time she was straight-faced.
I told her to stop, and she said, ‘It’s the truth. I promise,” which is what she was taught to say when she’s telling the truth.”
—Paola Landeros, Facebook
3. Oh my goodness that poor kid’s mother.
“I was in a grocery store and walked by a mother with her 5-year-old.
The little boy smiled and waved, so I smiled and waved back.
Then he said, ‘You should eat your friends for dinner. That’s what we do.'”
2. That is not okay.
“My mom told stories about how when I was younger, I’d scream out of nowhere and point to a corner of the room and cry about a ‘scary lady.’
Five years later, when my brother was the same age I was, he started screaming and pointing at that same corner, mentioning a scary lady.”
1. That’s kind of…comforting? Maybe?
“My cousin’s front door randomly opened by itself, and her 3-year-old son said, ‘Hi, Uncle Pat.’ Pat was my cousin’s brother who died 10 years earlier, but her son had never even been told about him.”
Nope. These are all a bunch of nope, y’all – why are kids like this?
Has a kid ever said something like this to you? Please share it in the comments, because we clearly all need to be more freaked out.