One of the time-honored rules for parenting is to not take anything personally. Kids are kids, parents are parents, hormones are hormones, and at some point – if you’re doing it right – your child will insult you.
And yeah, they will do it on purpose.
Not taking your child’s insults personally can be easier said than done, which is exactly why this dad is worried he’s being a jerk for getting offended that is daughter called him ugly.
It began with the daughter (15) telling her parents about a boy she likes at school. They were supportive, telling her that they thought it was great as long as he treated her well and she was happy, and the mother reminded her that personality was very important.
The daughter replied that looks were important, too, because she “didn’t want to end up with someone like Daddy.”
Someone round, short, and bald, apparently.
He told her that wasn’t nice but didn’t elaborate at the time, because his feelings were hurt and he didn’t want to respond emotionally (gold star!).
His wife did not back him up, laughing with her daughter about how “men are so sensitive.”
OP admits that his body has changed a bit while his wife’s has not, but that he also thought they should talk to their daughter about having more empathy – not just toward him, but in general.
When he talked to his wife later about presenting a united front, though, she essentially laughed at him, suggesting he not give his “bully” any more ammo and that the daughter would grow out of this phase.
OP is pretty mad, and says he’s going to talk to their daughter alone, but feels like he’s being gaslit about his own feelings and parenting inclinations.
So, what say you?
The internet is on OP’s side, and not just on the main issue at hand – though we can all agree that the daughter was wrong to say that, and her father is entitled to his feelings.
Most people agreed that the daughter was wrong and mean, but that the wife was the one whose behavior was truly appalling.
People agreed that the talk was a great way to go, since the best lesson is often being able to see that you’ve hurt someone you love.
It really drives the point home.
The “I’m really disappointed in you” talk is a classic for a reason.
Everyone agrees that if anyone is the a$shole here, it’s the wife.
I have to say that I agree.
What are your thoughts? How would you have voted? Let us know in the comments!