How a child got their name is a cherished part of family lore. Often, the name was meant as a tribute, maybe to a beloved relative or an inspiring historical figure. Or maybe they were named after a fictional teenager who’s really good at assassinating people.
But what if kids were named after the way the reasons we have them? Bunmi Latidan, creator of the @HonestToddler Twitter account, posed that exact question, along with the answer:
If we named kids after the reason we had them it’d be like, “Hey Marital Problems stop hitting Broken Condom I’m trying to put Hennessy down for a nap.”
— Honest Toddler’s Mom (@HonestToddler) November 22, 2017
The Hen will always get ya.
Lots of other parents on Twitter followed suit, and the results were hilarious. Here are 15 of the best. Not only will these parents give you a good chuckle, their jokes also provide a window into the reasons many couples decide to have kids–and many of those reasons are less-than-romantic. And you know what? That’s OK!
1. Tequila, and a medical miracle.
???? Hey, Too Much Tequila, I need you to babysit The Doctor Said I Would Never Get Pregnant Again while I go to the liquor store.
— Jess (@Big_Neffy) November 22, 2017
2. This couple’s kryptonite? Special occasions.
Hey, Overnight Getaway and New Year’s Eve, what do u want for breakfast?
— Timohthy Jay (@TimothyJ44) November 22, 2017
3. Play the “rename game” again in 20 years, and this will be most answers.
How many Netflix and Chill’s would be born by 2020 I wonder ?
— Chanty (@CodeName_Petty) November 22, 2017
4. And before there was “Netflix and Chill,” there was this technique.
My kids are older so: Blockbuster New Release Wall, and The Military’s Gonna Pay for this one
— Tom McCarthy (@jrpwrrngr01) November 22, 2017
5. The second rename here, I get. But the first? I want to know the story!
Mine would be named “taco truck fight” and “mommy’s birthday mimosas”
— Dominique Matti (@mominiquematti) November 22, 2017
6. “Birth control failure” was a common theme.
“Happy First Anniversary, let Efficacy of the Pill is Reduced by the Use of Antibiotics have a turn on the Xbox.”
— Good Dog, Blue. ? (@sasimmons) November 22, 2017
7. This time with a military twist.
That’s it, Faulty Military Birth Control…if you can’t respect Gotta Give The Oldest A Sibling’s toys you can’t play with them anymore.
— Brianna Turner (@BriannaTurner32) November 22, 2017
8. Feelin’ the rhythm? Maybe not.
Mine would be … “Clock is Ticking” and “Rhythm Method”
— Michele Matthews (@msmatt1017) November 22, 2017
9. Three kids, three very different reasons.
“hey, DesperateForaBaby, keep WowThatWasEasierThanIThought away from Surpriseat43”
— Alexandra Rosas (@GDRPempress) November 22, 2017
10. She had a baby for the same reason I just ate a pickle: procrastination!
I have Avoiding Writing Dissertation, I’m Bored Being A SAHM, Trying For A Girl, and I Can’t Believe I’m Stuck In Texas.
— Beth (@BethwithBabies) November 22, 2017
11. When the solution to your problem just causes more problems.
A Second Will Keep the First Occupied would play with Let’s Be Parents Cause It’ll Be Fun!
— Sarah Davies (@francesthoughts) November 22, 2017
12. Kid #3 is why you pay attention in school.
Kid 1: Almost 30
Kid 2: Having 1 Kid Is Easier Than Expected
Kid 3: Bad at Math
— thom (@samohtbackwards) November 22, 2017
13. Probably not because they set a world record.
Wanted to name my oldest after the fertility nurse who assisted with the “process”. Youngest would be named after Guinness.
— Lori (@lehogan) November 22, 2017
14. For some folks, weather was a factor.
Hey, Grad School Snow Storm, I need you to pick up Movie Night from school and make sure you’re home in time to watch Actually Planned and Bad Math.
— Trey Herweck (@therweck) November 22, 2017
15. Groupon, you ol’ scoundrel.
Mine would be named “Groupon had a deal on bikini waxing.”
— Kit (@Liger_Kitten) November 22, 2017
h/t: Cafe Mom