I bet, in fact, that their wives are perpetually annoyed at how much time they spend on social media, so let’s really appreciate the sacrifice they’re masking in order to bring us these laughs on a regular basis, yeah?
We can thank them by taking the time to read through these 11 tweets and really give them the attention they deserve.
10. Never get into semantics with your parents.
And also, never ever get into a land war in Asia.
Mom: how’s your little cult thing going honey?
Me: [sigh] mom Twitter isn’t a cult.
Dad: it sounds like a cult to me.
Mom: 80k people follow him Harold.
Me: seriously not a cult.
Dad: what do you call all those people?
Me: my followers.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) September 21, 2019
9. She’s not totally convinced.
I wonder what it will take.
Audrey (6yo): Daddy! Did you know that after Michael left my school, he came back and now people call him David?
Me: Does he look and sound totally different too?
Me: That’s not the same kid, honey.
Audrey: *long pause* Maybe
— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) November 6, 2020
8. Always ask questions.
That’s like the first rule of parenting, right?
Daughter: What does gays mean?
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other – two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?
Me: Er… read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) September 11, 2018
7. It takes even longer to make it make sense.
Like, forever and ever and ever.
My kid can tell me all about a 24 minute episode of Paw Patrol in 56 minutes.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 21, 2020
6. Bless his heart.
Chocolate milk is a pretty good fix, though. I love it!
Me: this day is stressing me…I need a drink.
3yo: here ya go dad *hands me his milk*
Me: got anything stronger?
3yo: yep! MOM CAN YOU GET DAD A CHOCOLATE MILK
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 3, 2020
5. They will not have it.
But that feeling when you succeed, though… ahhhhh.
The attention and detail required to sneak anything nutritional into my child's diet makes it feel very similar to poisoning a king.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) September 19, 2018
4. Amen, sir.
One more time for the people in the back! No, louder!
I’m a dad. If you wanna insult me, call my parenting “babysitting”
— Dad off my Feet (@dad_off_my_feet) September 26, 2020
3. That’s a Dad Joke if I’ve ever seen one.
Well done, Sir.
2. I feel like this is only a partial list.
Or things are super crazy at my house.
Things that made my toddler cry this week:
– I wouldn't let the dog drive him to daycare
– the bath was "too wet"
– he wanted syrup for breakfast…just syrup
– his sister "keeps looking at him"
– he wants shoes like his friend Jacob (there is no Jacob)
How about your kid?
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) May 8, 2019
1. Not if you do it right.
He will hear your voice foreverrrrrr.
My 3 year old asked how long he had to wait until he could stop listening to me. I told him he had to listen to me for the rest of his life. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll listen to you for the rest of YOUR life." Toddlers are cold-blooded, man.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 19, 2019
Guys can be so funny sometimes. Just like ladies! It’s like we’re equal or something.
Hmmmm, no, they couldn’t be it. Women are funnier.
Which one of these really got you? Have fun guffawing at a few of them?
Tell us about it in the comments. We love to read what made you laugh.