Kids are downright hilarious, y’all, in case you didn’t know. They’re a lot of things, of course, but the funny is one of the aspects that makes it so easy for us to keep them around (and have more of them), if you ask me.
I love hearing the funny things other people’s kids say – and not just because it gives me the opportunity to talk about my own littles – so I’m totally here for this thread where people share the best one-liners they’ve ever heard from a tot!
12. That will get less excited over time.
“Uncle Drkumph, I peed out of my butt!!” Like he was so excited about it.
He had diarrhea.
11. She doesn’t know how wise that actually is.
In France 7-years-old is considered the “age of reason”. Apparently my daughter had this on her mind a lot leading up to her birthday.
When she woke up on her 7th birthday, she told me, “I think the age of reason starts at 8 years old”.
10. Maybe he knows something you don’t.
My 4 year old nephew asked me why there was a man in a field dressed in a horsey suit. He was looking at a horse.
9. This is the most precious thing.
My mum loves to tell people that as a toddler I very seriously told off a man for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy’s hand. He was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together.
I told him he was a good boy.
8. She made everyone’s day.
We were on a tour of China a few years ago, and the group was taking the bullet train from Beijing to Shanghai. The tickets for our group had us all sitting on one side of the carriage, and the other side was all Chinese locals. It was the middle of summer and everyone was wearing shorts.
Halfway through the five hour trip a young Chinese girl, about three years old, starts walking up and down the aisle tapping everyone’s bare legs as she walks past. She’s got the attention of the whole carriage by now.
The Chinese people on one side all have smooth legs. But when she gets to one of the guys in our group, a Mediterranean type with thick black hair on his legs, she stops in her tracks. Pokes it. A couple of times. Then says something in Chinese and half the carriage roars with laughter.
One of the locals announced “She said Panda” and the other half of the carriage lost it too.
7. And everyone laughed.
My friend’s little cousin was giving us all Pokémon names. When he got to my biggest friend he said “And you can be Pokémon stadium!”
6. I have felt this level of frustration about being hot.
My son was complaining of being hot so I was changing him into a t-shirt. He was still hot and crying about something else, I couldn’t understand what he wanted. Finally he screamed “You know, T-PANTS!!!”
He meant shorts, he wanted shorts.
5. That sounds about right.
Late to the party but anyway. A few weeks ago my three year old son was cuddling in his mother’s arms and sweet talking to her. Here it goes
him : “mom I’m the little baby mouse and you’re the mama mouse”
her : “oh honey that’s sweet, thanks”
him : “…and daddy is the daddy mouse”
her : “oh ok sweet”
him : …
her : …
him : …
her : “and your little sister ?”
him : “MY SISTER IS A RAT !”
4. It’s possible she has her own life.
During a lesson as a swim teacher
Kid: So do you live here?
Me: What do you mean?
Kid: Once the lesson is over, do you like live in this pool?
3. So sweet and pure.
I was standing at a chain link fence watching an excavator tear down an old school.
A boy about seven years old came to join me and we watched together for a while. Then he turned to me and said, “This is the happiest day of my life.”
I guess for a boy, seeing an excavator and it was tearing down a school… well, it just doesn’t get any better than that.
2. They tell absolutely everything.
“I’m not supposed to tell, but the doctor said to my dad he’s fat.” – 5 year old cousin.
1. This definitely would have cracked me up.
This might not be as funny on text as it was in person but I was babysitting a little girl and asked her where she got her Build-A-Bear bear from. She was 4.
Her: you know the globe?
Her: you know how there’s a blue part and a green part?
Her: I got it on the green part.
These are killer, y’all. It almost makes me wish I had more kids.
What’s the funniest thing your kid has ever said to you? Tell us in the comments!