Kids are funny, even when they’re not trying to be. Maybe especially when they’re not trying to be, if we’re honest, but most kids are too young to post their hijinks online.
That’s where their parents come in, and these 13 tweets about the funny things kids say are definitely worth the scroll.
13. I mean, who doesn’t?
I just wanna be naked and eat chocolate
Inspirational words from my 2 yr old in these difficult times
— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) September 19, 2020
12. Sometimes that’s the best way to teach a lesson.
And if it’s also funny, I mean…
My oldest wanted a juice box, so I told him to go pick one out. He came back with a bottle of apple cider vinegar, thinking it was apple juice.
So my question is how horrible of a parent am I that I just went along with it?
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) September 22, 2020
11. Think about someone other than yourself, Dad.
6-year-old: What if I accidentally used magic and my teddy bear became a real bear and attacked me?
Me: I don't think that's a real concern.
6: Maybe not for you.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2020
10. Some days our bs meter is higher than others.
But it’s never infinite.
I love that when I’m telling my kids to stop fighting, I say “I’m not in the mood,” like if they tried me on a different day I might be cool with their bullshit.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) September 21, 2020
9. These might be connected.
Also, what does he want?
8yo: Your the best teacher I’ve ever had, Mom.
Me: *eyes well with tears* You’re.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 23, 2020
8. You can always find something nice to say.
And they’re just happy you’re talking to them.
“Wow. I’ve never seen someone get so much yogurt on their neck.”
Follow me for more suggestions on compliments to give your 2 year old.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) September 21, 2020
7. Not to mentioned half-finished meals.
No, they’re never going to eat the rest of that later.
Welcome to parenthood. Your refrigerator is now a graveyard of your kids’ half-finished drinks.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 21, 2020
6. Eh, enjoy the break.
Tomorrow she’ll be mad at him.
My daughter says she’s not mad at me but she did just hug her dad and tell him, “I love you more than anyone” without breaking eye contact with me.
“Have kids,” they said.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 19, 2020
5. “How about a knuckle sandwich?”
-Every Dad Ever
7: I’m hungry
Me: We have bananas, apples, peaches, grapes and strawberries
7: I’ll take an orange
— Kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) September 20, 2020
4. That’s downright hilarious.
And not a terrible philosophy when it comes to life.
“I’m scared. I can’t see the bottom of this.”
— my four year old today, regarding why he didn’t want to eat some fruit cobbler
— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) September 21, 2020
3. She’s going to be an expert by the time she’s a teenager.
Practice makes perfect.
My daughter is officially pulling this shit! I didn’t do this til I was 13. She’s downstairs with my mom. Told her to not use the dumpling doll for a head next time pic.twitter.com/DvXekXCLpr
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 22, 2020
2. He could have said it.
They don’t care.
I told my son we couldn’t afford something and he asked why I didn’t have more money, and I wanted to be like, “You, dude. You are entirely the reason I don’t have more money.”
— The Dad (@thedad) September 19, 2020
1. The truth no one tells you.
You figure it out on your own, after it’s too late.
If I am your friend trying to convince you to have kids please don’t fall for it I’m just looking for someone to commiserate with
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 21, 2020
My kids crack me up all the time but I’m too tired to tweet about it most of the time.
What has your kid said lately that’s tweet-worthy? Share it with us in the comments!