We’re hearing a lot from parents these days about how much togetherness is too much togetherness. We’ve got no alone time, no privacy, it turns out our kids aren’t joys to have in class, and our bosses have no kids and can’t figure out why our productivity has dropped.
At least stores and restaurants can deliver booze.
But what if you’re a kid who has had enough family time, has no end in sight, and can’t drink?
Think about the children!
13. I’m not sure that’s how it works.
But I’ll take the quiet time, sucker.
“I can’t hear you because my eyes are closed.”
– my kid, showing off my exemplary homeschool skills
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) April 21, 2020
12. The smart-aleck is strong with this one.
Also, his shoes are A+.
11. No one is in the mood for it, okay?
Literally no one in the entire world.
my kid didnt want the broken cookie so I told him that when he eats it it breaks in his mouth anyway and he just said "don't be clever"
— john (@mrjohndarby) April 26, 2020
10. Just a little?
Wait a few more months, kid. We’re going to be insane.
The 5-year-old a few doors down just slammed out his back door yelling "I'm getting a little tired of you people!"
— That Pesky Prostitüt™ (@LittleMissAngr1) April 28, 2020
9. There must be a caveat to the whole “unforgivable” thing.
Like if you’ve been stuck inside with your family for weeks on end.
Ya'll. If my kid "Avada Kedavra"s me ONE more time…
— Colleen Clinkenbeard (@ccarrollbeard) April 29, 2020
8. I hope your fake drinking skills are on point.
Otherwise, you definitely drank toilet water.
4- Mommy I got you water.
M- oh thank you! Where is it from?
4- The bathroom
M- From the sink?
M- Not the toilet?
M- You got it from the tap in the bathroom?
M- ok, that's very sweet. *drinks suspiciously*
4- …. so, do you think it tastes good?
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) April 25, 2020
7. What are you, some kind of idiot?
And you’re supposed to be in charge!?
My 4 year old came downstairs and asked me what his stuffed bunny did for a living. Over the next few minutes I guessed farmer, fireman, astronaut and race car driver until my son deadpanned, "he doesn't have a job because he's not real," while glaring at me like I'm an idiot.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 27, 2020
6. The kid thought he was being clever but he didn’t know.
The depths of our current despair are astonishing.
Toddler: I made some soup so you don’t get the virus
Me: aww thank you [takes pretend drink] yum
Toddler: I put poison in it
Me [takes real drink]
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 26, 2020
5. She’s taking it to the next level.
Teenagers have been prepping for this moment for years.
Not to brag, but my teen not only practices social distancing, she practices family distancing too
— Go Ask Your Dad (@_goaskyourdad_) April 27, 2020
4. You fell for it.
Maybe you wanted to, just to pass the time.
Me: I’m growing tired of repeating myself.
8yo: You’re growing tired of what?
Me: Repeating myself.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 28, 2020
3. When you know you shouldn’t laugh, but…
It’s the apocalypse. There are no rules.
2. Okay but that’s funny. I don’t care who you are.
Yes, even if you’re a mom with chin hair.
2: [looks at old photo]
Papa you have no beard?
Me: That was a long time ago, before Papa grew one.
4: [looks at same photo]
This before Mama had one, too?
Me: [sighs] 4 years. You had a good run, son.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 29, 2020
1. See, he gets it. No rules.
Don’t be mad you didn’t think of it first.
Told my kid we have to wait until 6 o’clock to watch his show and he flipped the clock upside down at 4:09
— Brendan Clancy (@BrendanClancy) April 27, 2020
These kids need to set up a Zoom happy hour of their own with juice boxes and Cheez-its and no adults allowed.
If it will give me 30 minutes of time to myself…
I’ll set it all up myself…