Let’s be honest – if you’re a parent these days, you’re probably in need of at least a little break. A cup of coffee that hasn’t been reheated three times, kids who can go five minutes without screaming “mom!” or “look at this!”
Sounds lovely, right?
If you’ve managed to secure it, here are 13 tweets to fill the space.
13. Every. Single. Time.
You knew they weren’t listening, though.
7: I’m hungry
Me: We have bananas, apples, peaches, grapes and strawberries
7: I’ll take an orange
— Kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) September 20, 2020
12. That toddler is all of us right now.
Honestly, every single day.
Sorry I can't make it, I asked my toddler if he wanted help putting on his shoes he answered "yes I don't"
— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) September 6, 2020
11. They wanted to be on top of the heap.
And there they are.
My kids are my everything. I mean this literally–they've methodically broken all of my personal belongings over the past four and a half years.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 8, 2020
10. We all go a little crazy sometimes.
Anyone ever get the urge to bust into your kids’ room, rip the PS4 out of the wall while they’re mid-match, throw it out into the street & run it over with your car multiple times?
No? Just me?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 7, 2020
9. As much as it takes to survive any given day.
Go ahead and judge me.
Took my son to the eye doctor & was asked how much screen time I allow.
Are you kidding me? It’s 2020. There’s your answer.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 21, 2020
8. Why do they hate sleep?
One day they will love it and we will have our revenge.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me between 2 and 50 times and you’re my 5yo getting out of bed at night.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 14, 2020
7. Same, girlfriend.
Where did I put those cookies?
This is how my 2-year-old chose to tell me she's hungry today:
"Mommy, I hear something in my tummy."
— Déborah Kabwang Makuma (@deborahkabwang) August 31, 2020
6. I don’t see any reason to fight it.
Losing battle, that one.
My home decor can best be described as "kids live here"
— Marl (@Marlebean) September 22, 2020
5. They seriously still teach that?
Why on earth?
If there’s any bright side to the pandemic it’s knowing my son won’t be traumatized by having to country line dance with a classmate in the 5th grade like I was
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) September 7, 2020
4. You have to at least act innocent.
I don’t make the rules.
Parenting is a whole lot of, “Where did you hear that?!” Knowing full well it was you. They heard it from you.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) September 2, 2020
3. We’re all bored, okay?
Just raise your eyebrows and move on.
My kid just made a spoon by covering the prongs of a fork in multiple layers of tape so don’t tell me I don’t know how to raise a genius.
— RickWu (@wumother) September 27, 2020
2. Half the time you’re not even thinking about it.
It just needs to disappear.
Every mother has consumed that soggy, half-eaten cookie that’s been manhandled by a toddler because there’s literally no garbage can in sight.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) September 6, 2020
1. Put me in, Coach.
The toddler moms of the world have got this.
I’m the parent of a toddler, hell yeah I can moderate a presidential debate
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) September 30, 2020
I really enjoyed that little breather, didn’t you?
Tell us which tweet was your favorite in the comments!