Putting kids to bed is the chore that, for like a decade, never ends. You have to do it every single night, for every single kid, and no, they will never, not once, give you a break on the same evening.
While you just want to go watch television or read a book or crash while pretending to do one or the other, your kids just don’t want to go to sleep – and their will is strong.
These 13 parents are in the thick of it, and just want to know when it will all be over.
13. It’s like they’ve just crossed a desert.
I mean they need to wet the bed later come on.
Bedtime diary 8:32 pm: the children have never been so thirsty. They need water. Lots of water. And ice. 3 cubes to be exact. NOT THAT CUP!
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 30, 2015
12. They are just tiny humans.
And yeah, they get it from somewhere.
Me: Whhhyyyyyy do the kids insist on stalling their bedtime by talking, acting out, or taking improvised poops? Don’t they know that they NEED to SLEEP???
Also me: *scrolls twitter until 1am every night*
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) August 9, 2019
11. They make everything so hard.
It’s part of their job description.
I never knew how long it took a human to fall asleep until I had kids. In case you're wondering it's 2 hours, 3 cups of water, & 18 books.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 31, 2016
10. It’s every man for himself.
There are no friends at bedtime.
[reading bedtime stories]
Daughter: what’s his name?
Daughter: what’s her name?
Daughter: what’s his name?
Me: [sigh] I don’t know, brian.
Wife: what are you reading?
Me: 101 Dalmatians.
Wife: lol [closes door].
Daughter: what’s his na-
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) November 29, 2019
9. My kids have never done this, not once.
I feel cheated.
Your kid falling asleep on their own from sheer exhaustion and liberating you from the bedtime routine is like the "Get Out of Jail Free" card of parenting.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 10, 2020
8. It’s all good until they learn how to read.
You think that’s going to be good for you, and yet…
I am the Michael Jordan of skipping pages with a lot of words in my kid’s bedtime story.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 20, 2020
7. Never teach them about clowns.
They’re terrifying, don’t @ me.
Turns out a bedtime story about clowns who drive ice cream trucks wasn’t such a good idea.
— Just J (@junejuly12) August 14, 2019
6. That never works out how you hope it will.
But we’ll all still try it again.
Have you ever been so tired you let your kid stay up because the thought of the bedtime routine is too exhausting but then you can’t go to bed because you let your kid stay up because the thought of the bedtime routine is too exhausting but then…
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) November 19, 2019
5. What else do you need to say?
Those are some well-trained kids.
Me: Your mom told you to stay in bed.
3-year-old: There's a scary monster in my closet
Me: Scarier than Mom?
3: *goes to bed*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 28, 2016
4. Some nights you just can’t do it.
No one is judging you. Except probably your mother.
kid: can we have a bedtime story?
me: *switching on Netflix* ok but just one
— The Dad (@thedad) July 24, 2020
3. To be fair they have no concept of time.
Or at least, they pretend not to.
Me: 15 minutes til bedtime kids
Me: now it's 10 minutes
Me: you have 5 minutes to shut it down and get in bed
Me: 2 minute warning, let's go
Me: okay bedtime
Kids: WHAT? ALREADY? JUST 5 MORE MINUTES!!!
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 30, 2019
2. Seriously why.
They’re winding them the wrong way!
Moms saying, “It’s bedtime!” is code for dads across the world to start wrestling with their kids.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 12, 2019
1. Welp that step’s done!
I fail to see how this is a problem.
When it’s bedtime and you go to put your kid in pyjamas but realise you never got them dressed in the first place
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 5, 2020
Great, now I’m dreading my own slog through bedtime tonight.
If you’ve got tips for making it easier, please share them with us in the comments!