One of the best things about parenting is all of the unexpected humor – at your expense, at your kids’s expense, at the expense of your youth – that happens pretty much on a daily basis.
And these 14 parents know how to turn that hilarity into tweets that make us all feel like one big happy family.
14. We all still have visceral memories of this from childhood.
It’s like glee and sympathy all wrapped up in a ball.
No one is as obnoxiously well-behaved as a child whose sibling is getting yelled at.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 27, 2020
13. Donuts never fail.
They work on adults, too.
I came home with a box of doughnuts for my kids and, long story short, you can buy love.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2020
12. Hopefully before the dog tore through the house.
Mustard on the furniture ftw.
Our youngest insisted on making her own sandwich and that's why I'm cleaning mustard off the dog right now
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 28, 2020
11. He definitely is.
He might want to hold off on any romantic relationships, though.
My son thinks the heart is in the stomach and calls vaginas “berginas” so I think he’s officially ready to start giving medical advice on Facebook
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) July 25, 2020
10. You gotta accept your vibe.
And use it to your advantage.
4 just told me her favorite day of the week is Monday and I’m not saying it makes sense cause she feeds off of people’s suffering but I’m not not saying it.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) July 29, 2020
9. And throwing in the dog’s name for good measure.
Half the time I never even get to the right name.
https://twitter.com/CrockettForReal/status/1286750672415727616
8. They WANT to EAT something.
Just go with it.
Me: You guys want grilled cheese?
Kids: No
Me: What do you want?
Kids: QUESADILLAS!
Me: You know that's basically grill-
Wife: Stop. You can't win.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 27, 2020
7. You don’t take vacations anymore, you take trips.
Congrats.
A relaxing day at the beach, except it’s not because I’m a toddler mom.
— Mommy Uncensored (@amomuncensored) July 24, 2020
6. I’d rather hear them say anything but “Mommy, look at this!”
Literally anything.
I’d rather hear my toddler say the F-word than “Again!”
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) July 24, 2020
5. That kid is going places.
Hopefully not to the hospital.
It’s like pulling teeth trying to get my 4yo to regularly wash his hands, but he absolutely won’t share his chocolate chip ice cream with his sister because of “Corona Birus Germs,” so now I’m quite confident that this kid has a bright future in sales or politics.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) July 29, 2020
4. Only if you want to die, though.
They will win that bet every time.
A drinking game where you take a shot every time you tell your kids to go to bed.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) July 30, 2020
3. Neither does your husband.
Because men never spend a reasonable amount of time on the toilet.
I don’t remember the last time I spent a reasonable amount of time on the toilet
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 29, 2020
2. Where’s the lie?
You can’t spot it, because there isn’t one.
My kids were completely silent for about 5 seconds today and to be honest it felt better than any sex I’ve had in years. And longer.
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 29, 2020
1. And you’re so tired it’s enthralling.
You have to be exhausted for Spongebob to make sense.
Me: Go to bed.
4-year-old: I have to tell you something first.
Me: What?
4: *explains eight seasons of SpongeBob*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2020
I love knowing my family isn’t the only crazy one!
Which of these made you chuckle the hardest? Tell us in the comments!