If you’re a parent and bedtime is your favorite time of the day, please, tell me your secrets. Sure, there are nice things about it, like being able to check in during a quieter time, bonding over books, snuggles…but we’re just so tired, right, and we’re so close to being able to check out with Netflix we can taste it.
These 14 parents are ready to wave the white flag and beg for mercy if their kids don’t give up the ghost rtfn.
14. Time for clean pajamas!
Whose kids make it all day without dirtying their clothes?
When it’s bedtime and you go to put your kid in pyjamas but realise you never got them dressed in the first place
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 5, 2020
13. You suddenly see where they get it.
Yet, you don’t bother anyone else with your tactics.
Me: Whhhyyyyyy do the kids insist on stalling their bedtime by talking, acting out, or taking improvised poops? Don’t they know that they NEED to SLEEP???
Also me: *scrolls twitter until 1am every night*
— Dad on my Feet (@dad_on_my_feet) August 9, 2019
12. They’re basically dying.
And it is your duty to hydrate them!
Bedtime diary 8:32 pm: the children have never been so thirsty. They need water. Lots of water. And ice. 3 cubes to be exact. NOT THAT CUP!
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 30, 2015
11. She knows exactly what she’s doing.
Don’t be fooled by the cute innocent face.
[reading bedtime stories]
Daughter: what’s his name?
Daughter: what’s her name?
Daughter: what’s his name?
Me: [sigh] I don’t know, brian.
Wife: what are you reading?
Me: 101 Dalmatians.
Wife: lol [closes door].
Daughter: what’s his na-
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) November 29, 2019
10. It’s honestly kind of impressive.
In an enraging sort of way.
I never knew how long it took a human to fall asleep until I had kids. In case you're wondering it's 2 hours, 3 cups of water, & 18 books.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 31, 2016
9. Enjoy the days before they can read.
It won’t last forever.
I am the Michael Jordan of skipping pages with a lot of words in my kid’s bedtime story.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 20, 2020
8. My kids have never done this, not once.
Tell me what it’s like so I can live vicariously.
Your kid falling asleep on their own from sheer exhaustion and liberating you from the bedtime routine is like the "Get Out of Jail Free" card of parenting.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 10, 2020
7. It’s like spooking a horse.
Or a monkey at the zoo.
Never, & I mean NEVER make eye contact with a child on the verge of falling asleep.They will sense your excitement & abort mission! #momlife
— 𝐜𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐲𝐝𝐮𝐬𝐭.𝐜𝐨𝐦 (@CaffeineandF) November 14, 2015
6. She wasn’t thinking straight.
Sleep deprivation will do that to you. It’s a cycle.
Turns out a bedtime story about clowns who drive ice cream trucks wasn’t such a good idea.
— Just J (@junejuly12) August 14, 2019
5. Just the thought of it can be too much.
You’ll always regret not summoning the energy, though.
Have you ever been so tired you let your kid stay up because the thought of the bedtime routine is too exhausting but then you can’t go to bed because you let your kid stay up because the thought of the bedtime routine is too exhausting but then…
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) November 19, 2019
4. An excellent point.
And a smart kiddo, it would seem.
Me: Your mom told you to stay in bed.
3-year-old: There's a scary monster in my closet
Me: Scarier than Mom?
3: *goes to bed*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 28, 2016
3. Dads everywhere can relate.
Moms everywhere are rolling their eyes.
kid: can we have a bedtime story?
me: *switching on Netflix* ok but just one
— The Dad (@thedad) July 24, 2020
2. Five more minutes!
Times a hundred, if you keep saying yes.
Me: 15 minutes til bedtime kids
Me: now it's 10 minutes
Me: you have 5 minutes to shut it down and get in bed
Me: 2 minute warning, let's go
Me: okay bedtime
Kids: WHAT? ALREADY? JUST 5 MORE MINUTES!!!
— Divergent Mama (@divergentmama) October 30, 2019
1. Why are they like that?
I mean…we already know the answer to that I guess.
Moms saying, “It’s bedtime!” is code for dads across the world to start wrestling with their kids.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 12, 2019
I am feeling their pain, I swear!
What’s your kid’s favorite bedtime stalling tactic? Regale us in the comments!