Sure, we’re all individuals, unique and shaped by the experiences we’ve had, the people we’ve known, and the worlds we’ve lived, but listen…if you have taken on the title of dad in any way at all, there are also things that are true about you.

I’m sorry, but you don’t have any cool jeans and your jokes are terrible.

These 14 tweets unearth those little things that are true about men who are fathers – each and every one of them.

14. I would pay good money to have this happen in real life.

Or even just in a movie scene.

13. We may never know the answer to this one.

They’re not telling. If they even know themselves.

12. His hands are also definitely on his hips.

And yeah, he could have left at any point.

11. Hey, they got a lot done while you were asleep!

They almost read the whole paper!

10. The truth is he didn’t hear you.

Not that he doesn’t know who you’re talking about.

9. It’s fine he has no idea what he bought you anyway.

This made me laugh so hard.

8. Both of my parents do this.

Maybe it’s a Boomer thing.

7. Never tough the thermostat, son.

Make sure you’ve got a condom for the daughter.

6. I mean, what did you expect?

Also I’m going to start keeping a tally for my kids.

5. That was his penance for getting out of the shopping trip.

He knew it, your mom knew it, you just went along with the madness.

4. ‘Twas the Halloween candy that gave him away.

He worked hard for that Dad Tax, and he’s TeAcHiNG yOu A lEsSOn.

3. Usually not with the same enthusiasm.

We’re just going home, after all.

2. And oddly, none of them could “help it.”

It’s just the way they are or something.

1. Um he had kids so he wouldn’t have to get up.

Obviously. You’ll understand some day.

See? I told you, and it was true that these are about all dads!

What else does every single dad do or say? Tell me if we missed something!