Kids have a way of saying exactly what’s on their mind. It doesn’t matter what it is, if it’s appropriate for the situation (or at all), or whether or not an adult wants to hear it – it’s coming out of their mouth anyway.

You’ve definitely got to learn not to take things personally, but on some days that can be hard to do.

Just ask these 15 people, who got totally owned by a small humans who were just going about their days.

15. An actual nightmare.

I was on a plane trip with my three year old. He used the tiny restroom then I did. There was a line. I thought I’d secured the door but hadn’t. He slings the door open to tell me something he was excited about.

There I sat in open humiliation for all the line to see. I had to convince him to let me shut the damn door!

14. This is next level cringe.

My kid yelled out “speak english” to the people around us when he was about 4 at a San Jose Earthquakes soccer game where about 80% spectators were Hispanic.

13. That’s really something.

When I was four, I kissed the delivery man on the lips from the local Chinese restaurant… in front of my entire family. My mother told me to never do it again.

I was embarrassed by myself so it counts.

12. This whole story is awful!

When I was 8 years old, I had a girl in my class with down syndrome. I always made it a point to be friendly with her and include her in things, and I even went over her house a few times. Halfway through the year, she would make up these bizarre scenarios and stories, and would drag me into them for some reason. The teacher would constantly call me out in the hall, and have these “meetings” with me about things I wasn’t even involved in or knew anything about. I was a painfully shy 8 year old, who didn’t have a ton of friends, and hated all this unwanted attention.

So I started to distance myself from the girl after that. She told her mom that I was leaving her out things because she was different. The mom told the school. The school called my mom and told them I was bullying her. But no one believed me, when I told them she was making things up. I was 8 years old at the time.

I’m 29 now. My mom constantly brings it up to random people and family members how I used to “bully” a girl with down syndrome. But when I try to explain my side of the story, no one ever believes me. And also, I was 8. It was 21 years ago. Give it a rest.

11. Who says that?!

I was at work. I worked at the movie theater in my late teens at the ticket booth. A young girl came up with her mom and was like “Eww Mom, she’s so ugly!” Talking about me.

She had to have been between 5-7. Her mom hit her and promptly apologized. And the little girl was like, “Whaaat? She is.”

I felt like utter shit the rest of the day. 😭😭

10. Obviously yes.

Made myself lunch yesterday, two sandwiches because one wouldn’t cut it. My eight year old asked me if I was a bear eating to get ready for hibernation. Sick burn.

9. Definitely not a compliment.

My little sisters ex friend from elementary told her that she thinks I’m fat. I know I’m not but wow, that shot down my confidence for a while. And it pissed my sister off. That kid is a total Regina George.

8. Hey, at least she’s paying attention when you talk.

At a cafe with my eldest daughter, who was 4 at the time, the waitress comes over to our table and asks my daughter if she would like a drink or some food.

My daughter looks up at her and says “The parts of my drink that my body doesn’t want come out as wee. The parts of my food that my body doesn’t want come out as poo.”

7. What a good mama.

I remember when I was maybe 7, we were in a store and there was an employee who was a little person. I had never seen a little person before and looked at her like “wtf?”

My mom immediately set me straight and I felt terrible after that.

6. This is embarrassing for everyone to be honest.

Sitting in a Subway eating lunch. Back to the door. I hear a kid shriek “Daddy!!!!” then latches onto me. I was frozen with fear.

I dont have any kids.

When the kid releases and looks up, she realizes I’m not her dad and SCREAMS bloody murder.

The mom profusely apologized.

5. They’ve probably heard all of the questions before.

My 3 year old son was with me in Macy’s at a jewelry counter. I asked the clerk a question. My son asked why does she have such a huge mark on her cheek?

The color draining out of my face, I quickly recovered and said, “That’s where God kissed her.” The woman said, “Congratulations. That’s the best one I’ve heard so far.”

4. What guy wouldn’t love that? Ha!

This was about a year ago, right before things started closing due to covid. I forget exactly where I was, but I needed to pee so my son and I went to the bathroom. We went into the handicap stall so there would be room. We’d been teaching him body parts at home, and right as I start to pee he yells out, “Daddy your penis is way big! Mine’s little but yours is so big. Daddy! Daddy! Your penis is big!”

I was all like “sshhhhh, yes it’s bigger than yours because my body is bigger than yours.” When we came out of the stall, everyone was averting their eyes. I don’t think they were embarrassed or anything, I think they were just trying to pretend like they didn’t hear anything for my sake.

3. Because of course he does.

At a store one day I was stuck by a urgent need to go to the bathroom. Had a 3-year-old with me, so I just hauled him in with me. I gave him my phone, but my pooping was a cacophony of “don’t sit on the floor!” “Don’t touch that thing!” Etc. I created a single, enormous excretion, cleaned up and left. It was fine.

Next time we went to a store he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward a bathroom. “Come on, dad! I want to see a big poop!”

2. Well that backfired.

Not me, but I once lived with two friends of mine when we were about 27. One friend had an 11 year old brother, and he was staying with us for the week while his folks were out of town. Not being used to hanging out with 11 year old boys, my one buddy “Ned” would joke around with the kid whenever he asked a question, and he asked a LOT of questions.

One day the kid asked Ned what he did for a living. Ned, trying to be funny, told him he was a doctor (he was not). The kid calls his bluff and asks what kind of doctor he was. Ned jokingly says, I’m a butthole doctor, a response that naturally got an incredulous reaction out of the kid.

Flash forward to a few days later and we are all out having lunch together. Ned runs into a girl he met on tinder, and introduces her to all of us, the kid included. When she meets the kid, she asks him jokingly “Oh! So what do you think of Ned?” To which the kid responds “He’s a weird guy. He told me he’s a butthole doctor.”

I don’t really know if he ever saw that gal again.

1. Adorable indeed.

My then 4 year old cornered a mom and older child(6-7) in a bathroom at the mall and informed her that her child is too old for a soother.

And on another occasion, my other daughter around 4, was complimented on being adorable by a group of older women, to which she replied “I pooped water”

Man, kids can be absolutely wicked, don’t you think?

What’s the best own a kid has ever slapped on you? Share the story with us in the comments!