If there’s one universal truth about parenting – from pregnancy to childbirth until forever – it’s that it’s not for the faint of heart. It takes a toll on your mind, your body, your ability to get a decent night’s sleep, your sanity, all of it.
So what’s wrong with getting a few jokes at the expense of our kids now and again?
Nothing, I say – we’ve put in enough work to expect a little something in return – and these 15 hilarious parents surely agree.
15. I mean he’s just keeping it real.
You know you tipped your mental hat a bit.
My 11yo wrote me an apology for misbehaving in the car that included "I love you so much but sometimes forget to care about your existence."
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) April 27, 2016
14. Two minutes is being generous.
At least your kids can be alone in the house that long.
If you’re on the fence about having kids, just know this: My husband & I are sitting in the car, in the driveway, so we can talk uninterrupted for maybe 2 minutes.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 30, 2019
13. How long until she gets it?
Maybe never.
10: Mom what's a metaphor?
Me: My life is a train wreck.
10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?
— 🌴Sardonic Tart🌴 (@SardonicTart) December 12, 2014
12. It’s not nice to tease adults with chocolate.
That’s pretty funny though, for real.
https://twitter.com/eveewing/status/860877705277038592?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.buzzfeed.com%2Fcrystalro%2Fkids-who-give-absolutely-zero-fucks-1
11. One of those things that’s hard to argue.
Except you’re the one who has to clean the toilet.
https://twitter.com/daddydoinwork/status/664491838313664512?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.buzzfeed.com%2Fcrystalro%2Fkids-who-give-absolutely-zero-fucks-1
10. Happens to the best of us, kid.
Not usually when we’re sober or in the middle of the day, but still.
best part of working from home is having your 5y/o run in while you're on a conference call and cry "I accidentally peed in the wrong place"
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 9, 2017
9. Kid is a quick learner.
I mean, you might have to kill him, but.
5yo: Just one more question before I go to bed.
Me: What?
5yo: What are the lines on your forehead for?
Me:…
5yo: Now they look angry.— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) March 15, 2016
8. It wasn’t in your imagination…
Or maybe it was, who can tell anymore?
I cut the crust off my daughter's PB&J and I swear to god I heard her whisper that I'm her bitch now.
— The Dad (@thedad) December 29, 2015
7. Tread lightly, child.
What is wrong with these kids?
https://twitter.com/ReasonsMySonCry/status/862805237932883968?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.buzzfeed.com%2Fcrystalro%2Fkids-who-give-absolutely-zero-fucks-1
6. Hahahaha if this isn’t the realest thing.
That’s one way to make death funny.
[at my funeral]
MY KID: *leans into my coffin and whispers* can i play a game on your phone?— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 11, 2019
5. Always looking for an angle.
Wouldn’t that be cool if you could just change the tap, though?
My 5 yo after I explained the concept of breastfeeding: "can you squeeze Capri Suns outta those things or just milk?"
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) January 23, 2016
4. That little shit.
I doubt it would be as fun as he thinks once he’s a teenager.
I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed "yay! TWO christmases!" from the other room.
— JennyPentland, GED (@JennyPentland) May 6, 2017
3. The epitome of being a grown-up.
At least she can cut up her own apples now.
My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn't, that she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown up. I'm going to touch knives."
— jess (retired) (@jessokfine) June 29, 2015
2. I mean…it’s a kitten.
He should probably sleep on the porch.
4-year-old: Can we get a kitten?
Me: I'm allergic. We can't be in the same house.
4: You could sleep outside.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 25, 2016
1. I mean that is totally fair.
Candy or chocolate is obviously the only acceptable reward.
https://twitter.com/ashleyaustrew/status/726893403972198400?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.buzzfeed.com%2Fcrystalro%2Fkids-who-give-absolutely-zero-fucks-1
I’m dying because they’re all so true, y’all!
What’s your favorite one? Is it because it’s literally happening to you right now? Do tell!