When you get pregnant for the first time, you might dream of giving that baby a warm bath, nursing him or her as they get sleepy, and snuggling that warm precious soul into oblivion.
Sometimes, that happens – but not most times.
As they grow into toddlers and then preschoolers and you realize that sleep is a thing human beings can only go without for so long, you’ll identify more and more with these 16 parents, who are so, so ready for bedtime.
16. I don’t understand why, though.
But he’s not wrong.
You think your kid will go to sleep earlier & easier because he didn't have a nap THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS DUMBASS WELCOME TO HELL
— keith (@tchrquotes) September 8, 2015
15. You’re reminding yourself, really.
And trying to make sure they’re not psychopaths in ten years.
If you've never said "I love you too" in a way that sounds a tad bit angry, then you must not have kids you are trying to put to bed.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 1, 2016
14. It only feels that way.
Though sometimes it is really that way.
Me: "You're going to bed in 5 minutes."
6yo: *bends the laws of space and time to make 5 minutes last 4 hours*
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) January 17, 2017
13. If you think your kid’s list never ends.
It’s a joke. None of their lists ever end.
I don’t get why people think getting kids to bed is hard all my son needs is:
A drink of water
4 songs from Daddy
A trip to the potty
Superman flight to bed
An inventory of his stuffed animals
2 more songs
Look at my watch for 45 seconds
And all of this 7 more times
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) March 17, 2019
12. Challenge everything.
If you keep talking you can’t fall asleep.
Kids will take anything you say literally unless you say it’s bedtime.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 23, 2020
11. They do like to stay hip with the times.
And look, they’re making you woke, too.
-Kids at bedtime.
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) November 1, 2019
10. And moms with anxiety.
Melatonin for everyone.
No one has more shit on their to-do list than a kid who’s just been told it’s bedtime
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) October 1, 2019
9. Points for being clever.
me: it's bedtime now
kid: please let me do just ONE thing
kid: *starts watching one movie*
— The Dad (@thedad) October 25, 2019
8. We all start out as the first parent.
And end up the second one.
Oh, you’re one of those parents with a bedtime routine as opposed to yelling GO TO BED from the couch every 10 minutes for 2 hours.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 20, 2020
7. Some days I’d rather face Fury Road.
Especially if Charlize Theron is there.
If you've seen Mad Max: Fury Road then you've basically witnessed bedtime at our house.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) August 3, 2016
6. No one can suspend that much disbelief.
We’re not buying it.
You ever watch a scene so ridiculous it just ruins the whole movie? I saw one last night where the dad read his kid a single bedtime book then the kid said "goodnight" and closed his eyes peacefully. Absurd.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) May 15, 2019
5. He’s living the dream and doesn’t even know it.
Wait thirty years and talk to me, kid.
10 is trying to negotiate a later bedtime and just told me he thinks we treat him unfairly because we make him “sleep too much” and I just wish someone would treat *me* that unfairly.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) December 11, 2019
4. I don’t think Dante ever made it that far.
Think about the people with more than two kids.
What circle of Hell have you entered when your 4 and 2 year-olds synch up their bedtime tantrums?
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) May 24, 2020
3. Because the kids never went to bed.
If they think you have plans they will outlast you every single time.
wife: Let's fool around after the kids go to bed
narrator: But they never did fool around
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 2, 2017
2. You just bought yourself a sore back, mister.
Because you’re not leaving that room anytime soon.
SON: Can you leave the light on?
ME: So it'll be easier for the monsters to find you?
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) February 5, 2019
1. Excellent joke.
Now go to bed.
Daughter: what did dad cow say to baby cow?
Me: I don’t know.
Daughter: it’s pasture bedtime : )
Me: good one!
Me: hey that reminds me it is past your bedtime.
Daughter: [under breath] couldn’t wait til morning to tell that joke could you.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) February 26, 2020
I’ve been these parents before, and I’m sure I will be them again!
If you’ve got any tips and tricks for getting littles to sleep, please share them in the comments!