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One of the best things about adults being burned by kids is that they rarely know they’re burning you – or at the very least, they don’t know how truly savage they’re being.

That’s a bit different once kids are old enough to understand insults and sarcasm, but if you ask me, it’s still funny.

Kids are the best, and there’s a good chance these 16 are going to crack you up.

16. Short, but not sweet.

“wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy”

15. She’s just observant.

The other day my 6 year old daughter was sitting next to me and looked me right in the eye and said “why do you have a mustache?”

I’m a woman, by the way.

14. They’re gonna be just fine.

Giving my 11 year old nieces advice before they start middle school, telling them how mean other tweens can be and that I’m there for them if they need support. One of them responds “you must have been a real loser in middle school”

THANKS

13. At least she didn’t eat the bee to find out.

My 11 year old sister to one of my friends:

“Hey, did you know that if you were to eat a bee, you would have more brains in your stomach than in your head.”

12. I am slow-clapping.

Little girl was dressed as a fast food worker for Halloween was being given shit by her aunt for her “low choice” and that she needed to aim higher if she wanted to succeed, whole thing was really demeaning and weird. Girl fired back with: I’m only 12, what’s your excuse for being poor then?

11. I think she knew what she was saying.

A conversation I overheard between my father and sister:

My father: “Can your little legs carry your big smart mouth?”

My sister: “can your legs carry your big stomach?”

10. Let’s bring this expression back.

My 5 year old niece told my mom to calm her tits.

9. That had to make him laugh, right?

My ex was a heavy dude. He changed his shirt in front of his 4 year old nephew, who looked at his belly confused and genuinely asked him if his stomach was his butt.

8. Grandma wasn’t going anywhere.

When I was around 4 or 5 we went to Canada to attend my grandfathers funeral. It was a long time coming so my grandmother had been handling it well. We stayed up there for about 2 weeks after since it was summer and we usually spent august up there anyways, but this time as we were pulling out of the driveway to head back south I leaned out the window and shouted “Bye Grandma! Love you! Don’t die now!”

7. Just brutal.

I was at a public safety education event for grades 5/6 representing EMS. I was showing a kid some of the advanced things we do and her teacher asked “So, would you want to be a Paramedic?”

Her reply….”No, I’m going to study business, I want to be able to pay my bills”.

Still kinda stings.

6. Stone cold.

I was playing “the floor is lava” with my then 4yr old niece. I pretended to start drowning in lava reaching my hand out to her yelling, “Please help me”. My niece pops her head over the edge of the couch, looks straight into my eyes and whispered, “No one is going to save you.”

I drowned, “died”, and never played lava with her again.

5. The truth hurts.

My 8 year old niece-in-law was talking to my brother and me. Since her aunt was dating my brother she asked me who my girlfriend was. I said I didn’t have one. She said “Oh… some people are just supposed to be alone, I guess.”

Gee, thanks.

4. He just kept them coming.

My son. Asian store. About 6 years ago. “Daddy it smells in here” me shushing him trying to get him to shut up. He continues ” it smells worse than you”. Mind you, he has no concept for inside voice.

3. Kids see everything.

When I was about 3 or 4. I was in line with my grandma at the grocery store and some woman was behind us.

I looked at her, and then very loudly asked my grandmother multiple times, “Grandma, why does that lady have a mustache?!” Over and over again.

My grandma was mortified. But also it’s one of her favorite stories to tell.

2. Now lay in your bed, lady.

Last week my husband who works at a local grocery store overheard a mother pushing her two kids in a cart and complaining about how heavy they were.

The older child, probably around 7 years old looks at her and says, “You’re the one who decided to have two kids”. Looks like someone spends a lot of time at his grandparent’s house.

1. That girl is going places.

My 9 year old niece has had some real burns on me.

She told me she didn’t think I was smart and I asked her if I’m not smart, how’d I get into college and get a job and she immediately just said “well grandma and grandpa helped you otherwise you wouldn’t have”.

I was on a hike with her and I was getting a bit sweaty and she said I looked ridiculous and she was embarrassed to be around me.

She completely randomly asked why I broke up with my girlfriend one time. My most recent relationship ended four years ago. She also said I’ll probably never get a girlfriend again.

She said with 100% confidence that she thinks she could beat me up.

Of course, it’s a lot easier to laugh when it’s not you applying the aloe vera, but still.

What’s the best burn you’ve ever heard from a kid? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Thanks fam!


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