I have no idea how people parented before the internet. How did they know when to call Poison Control? How did they know how to get crayon out of the carpet? How did they know they weren’t the only people on the block with insane questions like those every day of the week?
I assume they had like, actual communities of other, more experienced parents to ask but I mean. The internet doesn’t judge, so I still feel like it’s a better option.
Since I know we all have random and wild questions, here are 16 I’m sure will make you laugh – or maybe warn you of what’s to come.
16. Just give up now.
They cannot be exorcised.
I've already googled "toddler exorcism" in case you're wondering how my Monday's going.#momlife #parenting #MondayMorning
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) June 18, 2018
15. I’ve had to Google whether it’s ok for the dog to eat slime.
Our poor dogs. They’re the real heroes.
I'm Googling "how to get glitter slime off the dog" if anyone was wondering what kind of parenting adventure I was having today.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 27, 2020
14. What will the youths think of next.
It’s always another kid.
Lordt. My kid said another kid mentioned that the song Watermelon Sugar has "another meaning that is not good for kids to know about" and now I have to go Google this foolishness. pic.twitter.com/sbC6lgiA2r
— Nicole Blades (@NicoleBlades) July 10, 2020
13. This is where Alexa comes in handy.
Ours is long suffering.
You know you're a parent when you start out your day not checking email but Googling "What do camels eat?"
— Kelly Phillips Erb (@taxgirl) July 21, 2011
12. Some days are just like that.
You can’t, which is good. You’ll feel differently later.
Close to googling: children, can you give them back?
— amil (@amil) March 29, 2020
11. Just buy the velcro ones.
This is a protip. Trust me on this.
So far 90% of new parenthood is frantically Googling swaddling instructions minutes after an exhausted nurse explains it to me yet again.
— Eric Smith (@ericsmithrocks) September 22, 2017
10. I vote for winter.
There’s nowhere to throw them and you can’t hose them down.
Husband: Why did you Google "Do more parents become insane in the summer than winter?" *Looks at screaming, fighting children* Him: Oh.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) June 10, 2014
9. The answer to the first one is “why.”
The answer to the second one is “probably not on purpose.”
Have kids so they can ask you things like, "Let me smell your mouth" and you can Google things like, "Is my kid going to kill me in my sleep?"
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) July 21, 2019
8. Panicked parents everywhere.
I was not meant to be a teacher. At all.
How’s your Saturday night going cause I literally just Googled, “How the hell do I homeschool?”
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 19, 2020
7. It will happen sooner or later.
Probably too late for my eye-circles and gray hair, though.
Made it to the stage of parenting where I stopped Googling “when will my kids start sleeping through the night,” and started Googling “when will my kids start sleeping in.”
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) May 22, 2020
6. Magic Erasers, my friend.
They are the answer to everything.
Today my parenting journey was kicked off by spending the morning googling how to get bandaid glue off of hardwood floors.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) December 3, 2019
5. No one said it was going to be easy.
Thank goodness it was only a fish.
Being a parent sometimes means googling “betta fish floating sideways but not dead yet” and “how to talk to your kids about death” in the same evening
— ally (@TragicAllyHere) January 13, 2021
4. This is your chance to get creative!
You can spin anything to a positive with enough wine.
If you've never googled "why didn't the tooth fairy show up?" you're a better parent than me
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 4, 2020
3. Asking the important questions.
Tell me what experienced neighborhood parent would have been able to answer this one.
Welcome to parenthood. You'll find yourself googling things like, "Do worms have a penis?" Just roll with it.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 14, 2020
2. At some point you just throw it out.
Because it’s just not worth it.
Parenthood: when relaxing after a long day means googling “how to get stink out of a mattress”
— dadpression (@Dadpression) November 11, 2015
1. I like this woman.
She’s my new role model for when my kids get a bit older.
My kids won't stop trying to look at what I'm reading on my phone so I just googled "how to return your alien kids to space where they came from" and now we wait
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) January 11, 2018
I’ve Googled some of these, and I’m sure the rest are only a matter of time.
What’s the one thing you can’t believe you actually had to ask since having kids? Share it with us in the comments!