Parenting books and websites and forums and groups are great. They really are, because you’re going to need somewhere to go for support when nothing they tell you can help solve the problem you’re currently facing down with your kid.
There’s no way to prepare for being a parent, and there are definitely moments – like these 16 – that no book could ever guess would happen.
16. They can go round and round for days.
And take you along until you want to puke.
3: Mommy, I wann Paw Patrol sticker
Me: They’re all gone, buddy.
Me: Because you used them all, dude.
Me: Because you wanted Paw Patrol stickers.
These are the conversations the parenting books don’t even remotely prepare you for.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) July 8, 2019
15. I mean, they are humans.
I also hate getting in and also out of the bath.
Parenting books never prepared me for how much time I’d spend arguing for kids to get into and then out of the shower.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 16, 2020
14. Living with dudes is rough.
And yet we do it voluntarily.
You know what they don't put in parenting books? That in 16 years your baby will wash his balls with your 20$ LUSH shampoo bar.
— Madame Lifewaster Jr. 😐💀 (@elunatyk) April 30, 2019
13. I promise no one wants to see that.
Shut up and eat your turkey.
My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.
— octopus/caveman (@OctopusCaveman) August 26, 2018
12. It’s a brave new world.
We’re just all trying to keep up here.
My two kids are locked in some kind of competition for views on their YouTube channels (!!), and now they’re each lobbying me for a shout-out on Twitter.
They did not cover this in the parenting books.
— Matthew Green (@matthew_d_green) April 29, 2019
11. Sometimes there’s nothing to say.
It doesn’t mean you’ve lost. I don’t think.
Meian: Today Hinata talked back to me. Then he said "hashtag roasted" and dabbed.
Meian: Non of my parenting books prepared me for that.
— incorrect jackadlers (@blackschweiden) June 25, 2020
10. They really get you with those extras.
It all seems so reasonable at first.
Nowhere in the parenting books does it tell you that you will be spending $60 on a mf build-a-bear.
— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) January 13, 2019
9. Also they will make your nose bleed at least once.
Among other things.
one thing those parenting books don’t tell you about having a baby is that it will kick you square in the balls at least once every day.
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) June 20, 2020
8. It is a nightmare.
You will cut them. They will bleed and you will want to die. (Use the scissors).
Why don’t any parenting books tell you the hard truth about the most difficult part of caring for a baby?
Trimming. Tiny. Fingernails.
— Eric Smith (@ericsmithrocks) March 14, 2018
7. Maybe there would be one in a book about raising boys.
Sounds about right based on my house.
Walked into the livingroom & I could smell a fart.
I asked who did it & my 9yr old son said it was him.
My 4yr old son said he did it & now he's crying cause his big brother took the credit.
You don't read about this shit in parenting books.
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) November 22, 2019
6. It goes on for years. YEARS.
Of course, you will soon be immune to poop.
You can read all the parenting books you want, but nothing will prepare you for the first time you have to clean poop out of the wrinkles in your son's balls.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) January 28, 2020
5. Three is the sociopath stage.
Also, you should have known her telling you to sleep was a trick. They hate that sh%t.
My 3yo keeps telling me to lie down and rest and as soon as I close my eyes, she pounces on me to get me to wake up and then laughs maniacally and all I’m saying is it would’ve been nice if the parenting books hadn’t left out this “Help! I think my child is a sadist” stage.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) September 16, 2019
4. The meals just bleed together.
Because it never, ever ends.
The parenting books never warned me how much of my daughter’s toddler years would be spent waiting for her to finish this grilled cheese.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 2, 2018
3. Oh but we’ve all been there.
Or somewhere similar. It’s hilarious when it’s not your kid.
None of the parenting books prepare you for your toddler screaming, “I’m just picking my butt” in the middle of a restaurant.
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) July 29, 2019
2. Oh thank goodness I thought it was just mine.
Why is this a thing though?!
Why don’t parenting books have chapters called “So your 3 year old’s poop is so huge it looks like it could have come from Andre The Giant…”
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) June 23, 2020
1. This makes me laugh.
Raising sarcastic kids is goals.
My son texted me halfway through his first day of school “I HAVE STRAIGHT A’s SO FAR!” & parenting books did not prepare me for this level of proud.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 22, 2019
Parenting is all about making decisions on your feet, my friends, so make sure you stay limber.
What’s a moment you’ve had as a parent that has just totally stunned you with its randomness? Tell us about it in the comments!