When you’re pregnant for the first time, you imagine the lovely, calm, soothing and quiet end to your day, singing your precious bundle to sleep as their little eyelids close so willingly…
For some of us, hellacious newborns with raging colic dispelled that dream right away, but y’all – the twos and threes come for everyone eventually, and we all learn that bedtime is something to be survived most days, not so much enjoyed.
A fact these 16 tweets definitely prove for me.
16. It’s a simple process.
Simple, but lengthy.
I don’t get why people think getting kids to bed is hard all my son needs is:
A drink of water
4 songs from Daddy
A trip to the potty
Superman flight to bed
An inventory of his stuffed animals
A tissue
2 more songs
Look at my watch for 45 seconds
And all of this 7 more times— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) March 17, 2019
15. It is somehow the opposite.
Babies do not make sense I know.
You think your kid will go to sleep earlier & easier because he didn't have a nap THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS DUMBASS WELCOME TO HELL
— keith (@tchrquotes) September 8, 2015
14. Any other time of day, you’d fully support that.
But not when you’ve been doing this for an hour already.
Stay woke.
-Kids at bedtime.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 1, 2019
13. If only it could translate one day to acing science.
They don’t know how they’re doing it, is the problem.
Me: "You're going to bed in 5 minutes."
6yo: *bends the laws of space and time to make 5 minutes last 4 hours*
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) January 17, 2017
12. Don’t be mad because he’s clever.
He beat you at your own game.
me: it's bedtime now
kid: please let me do just ONE thing
me: ok
kid: *starts watching one movie*
— The Dad (@thedad) October 25, 2019
11. It’s in their nature.
Don’t hate the player.
Kids will take anything you say literally unless you say it’s bedtime.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 23, 2020
10. Except the movie ends.
Eventually, I mean.
https://twitter.com/sammyrhodes/status/760628309461835776?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E760628309461835776%7Ctwgr%5Eshare_3&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffpost.com%2Fentry%2Fbedtime-tweets-parents_l_5f239008c5b656e9b099a506
9. So much to do.
None of which they actually wanted to do before it was bedtime.
No one has more shit on their to-do list than a kid who’s just been told it’s bedtime
— MacgyveringMom22🍉 (@MacgyveringM22) October 1, 2019
8. One day he will understand.
But not until after it can no longer benefit you.
10 is trying to negotiate a later bedtime and just told me he thinks we treat him unfairly because we make him “sleep too much” and I just wish someone would treat *me* that unfairly.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) December 11, 2019
7. One day you just give up.
This is the result.
Oh, you’re one of those parents with a bedtime routine as opposed to yelling GO TO BED from the couch every 10 minutes for 2 hours.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 20, 2020
6. Because the kids never went to bed.
It’s a tale as old as time.
wife: Let's fool around after the kids go to bed
narrator: But they never did fool around— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 2, 2017
5. Zombies? Vampires? Sure.
But not this.
You ever watch a scene so ridiculous it just ruins the whole movie? I saw one last night where the dad read his kid a single bedtime book then the kid said "goodnight" and closed his eyes peacefully. Absurd.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) May 15, 2019
4. Lesson learned the hard way.
Props to dad this time!
Daughter: what did dad cow say to baby cow?
Me: I don’t know.
Daughter: it’s pasture bedtime : )
Me: good one!
Daughter: thanks!
Me: hey that reminds me it is past your bedtime.
Daughter:
Me:
Daughter: [under breath] couldn’t wait til morning to tell that joke could you.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) February 26, 2020
3. I don’t think Dante saw that one coming.
He must not have had kids.
What circle of Hell have you entered when your 4 and 2 year-olds synch up their bedtime tantrums?
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 24, 2020
2. You don’t want them to go to bed without hearing it, but…
Even parents have limits to their acting abilities.
If you've never said "I love you too" in a way that sounds a tad bit angry, then you must not have kids you are trying to put to bed.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 1, 2016
1. You just bought yourself another hour, sir.
You’re definitely falling asleep in there tonight.
[bedtime]
SON: Can you leave the light on?
ME: So it'll be easier for the monsters to find you?
SON: What?
ME: What?
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) February 5, 2019
It’s not that I hate bedtime…I just hate doing their bedtime. Ha!
What’s your secret to a blissful bedtime? Share it with us in the comments!