Parenting can be so rough on some days, but still, there is usually some kind of comedy to be found within the madness, if you look hard enough.
Everyone knows that laughter is the best way to stop yourself from crying (or to make your cryfest seem less sad, I suppose), and these 17 dads are here to bring you the laughs from within their own crazy lives.
17. A terrorist is a terrorist people.
We can’t let them win.
me: I don’t negotiate with terrorists
wife: she’s three
me: I don’t care how many she is
— tom (@pilau) July 9, 2020
16. Spoiler Alert: it’s not pretty.
Like when you accidentally turn the camera to face yourself.
If you want to know what you really look like hand your phone to a 5-year-old to take a picture.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 29, 2020
15. They will ruin anything you’re excited about.
This is absolutely true just show them a beloved movie from your childhood, you’ll see.
What’s your favorite part about traveling with kids and why is it not a god damn thing
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 1, 2020
14. Kids thrive on schedules, you know.
Even for fighting with their siblings, I guess.
My 4-year-old asked my 2-year-old if it was time to fight.
2 checked the calendar and said, "No, not yet."
Well, at least they are organized.
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) June 25, 2020
13. Better safe than sorry.
This makes me laugh just thinking about it.
Self-confidence is my four year old asking me to turn off the ceiling fan so he can show me how high he jumps.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 1, 2020
12. Unless you want her to get made fun of at school.
No parent wants that, I don’t think.
Kids mispronouncing things is super adorable but at some point I will have to tell my daughter we don’t put Farmer John cheese on spaghetti.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 19, 2020
11. This will not work out in your favor.
Each kid gets just a little bit less smart.
If at first you don’t succeed, pin all your hopes on the second kid.
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) June 24, 2020
10. This guy’s kids are the kids of my soul.
Snacks are life, y’all, don’t @ me.
10-year-old: I accidentally ate all the snacks.
Me: How is that an accident?
10: No one stopped me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 9, 2020
9. I’m not sure you want to intrigue him quite so much.
Human biology will do that on its own.
3yo: what’s sex?
Me: something amazing.
3yo: like bubbles?
Me: better than bubbles.
3yo: holy shit.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 5, 2020
8. Hahaha what is sleeping?
I’ve heard of it, and maybe remember it, but…?
One of the kids woke me up to ask if I was still sleeping, if any of you were thinking of having children.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 25, 2020
7. Time for a science experiment!
You’re homeschooling, right?
Having kids is great because they ask you all sorts of things like ‘can you freeze farts?’ and then you spend all day thinking about it
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 11, 2020
6. These are the laws of the universe.
Ask a physicist who has children; they’ll tell you.
A typical cup holds about 8 ounces of liquid.
But if a child spills it, that number increases to 8 gallons.
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) July 13, 2020
5. Just another day in paradise.
If he’s five, you’ve long ago figured out how to poo in not-peace.
I’m in the bathroom and I can hear my 5yo heavily breathing outside the door like some kind of horror movie.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 27, 2020
4. Also they have like 6 limbs!
Maybe more. It’s hard to tell when they’re all going for your face.
Me: Give me something strong
Bartender: *hands me a toddler who doesn't want to get in his car seat*
— The Dad (@thedad) July 3, 2020
3. Neither can your 6yo, probably.
What even is time these days, anyway?
6-year-old: Can I have ice cream?
Me: It's a little early.
6: Ice cream can't tell time.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 7, 2020
2. They say she’s learning.
Soon she will refuse to do our jobs, parents.
My kids just asked Alexa the same question 40 times in a row and I'm pretty sure I heard a sigh before the 36th answer.
— Twin Dad (@TwinSurvivalist) July 9, 2020
1. They can grow them at will.
Just sit at a table with food on it and a baby on your lap and you will see.
Dear parents of toddlers
How many limbs do you have to pin down so you can brush their teeth?
Tonight it was only 7.
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 10, 2020
Oh my goodness, those dads are going THROUGH it, y’all!
How do you remember to find the humor in every situation? Tell us your secrets in the comments!