If there’s one thing that’s true about the internet and being a parent, it’s that tweets describing the hilarity of our day-to-day are like lifeblood.
They’re also never in short supply, though it can be hard to weed out the best of the best – but we believe that’s exactly what we have for you here.
17. That’s a gender reveal I could get behind.
The only one, perhaps.
Instead of blowing up things for a gender reveal party, the parents to be should hand out wallets. If there’s a dollar inside, it’s a boy, if there’s 72 cents, it’s a girl
— Scary Parcak 👻🎃 (@indyfromspace) September 7, 2020
16. Or just being visible around someone she knows.
Speaking as someone who was once a teenager.
My teenager’s biggest fear is me sneezing in front of someone she knows.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 7, 2020
15. I mean, she’s got the basic concept.
Recently my 4 yo has said she doesn’t like it when I work (because I’m away from her). I’ve explained that I work so she has food and clothes, and we should be grateful. Today she’s playing “work,” and I hear her telling her sister loudly: WE HAVE TO WORK TO KEEP FROM STARVING.
— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) September 7, 2020
14. There’s nothing in my life that’s not sticky.
Nothing. Not one thing.
You don’t know sticky until you try to use your kid’s tablet
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 6, 2020
13. We all have our strengths.
And our weaknesses.
Shout out to AidanKaden’s mom who started a blog about the intricacies of quilting during quarantine but still can’t understand no cutting in the drop off line
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 8, 2020
12. You just want to make sure you heard what you think you heard.
It’s good to take a breath.
4: Mom, how long was dad inside you?
Me: What the f-
4: Well??? How long was he inside you before you had him?
Me: Oh honey no I didn’t birth your dad, grandma did!
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 5, 2020
11. You put mom in charge and this is what you get.
Sorry not sorry.
I just gave the kids extra credit for helping carry my wine from the car to the house. Shutup, I'm the teacher now and it's fine. Everything's fine.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) August 31, 2020
10. Warmest regards.
We’re going to be here awhile.
Sorry I can't make it, I asked my toddler if he wanted help putting on his shoes he answered "yes I don't"
— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) September 6, 2020
9. Now they’re all you have left.
That’s just how they like it.
My kids are my everything. I mean this literally–they've methodically broken all of my personal belongings over the past four and a half years.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 8, 2020
8. Those days you forget…
All you can do is laugh at yourself.
I don’t wear white after labour day or on any other day of the year because I have small kids
— Vision Booooooored👻 (@VisionBored1) September 5, 2020
7. That took a turn.
You can never tell what’s going on in their minds.
Me: [walking through front door]
4: Is it storming outside?
Me: Yeah it is buddy.
4: Did you get hit by lighting?
Me: Nope I'm all safe-
4: Why not?
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) September 9, 2020
6. I mean it’s kind of a metaphor for what they did to your life.
Anyone ever get the urge to bust into your kids’ room, rip the PS4 out of the wall while they’re mid-match, throw it out into the street & run it over with your car multiple times?
No? Just me?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 7, 2020
5. We’re all making our own rules, now.
Do what makes you happy.
I don't care if there's no trick or treat happening, I will be dressing up as the Mandalorian and the baby will be Baby Yoda all October.
— Kwame Mbalia (@KSekouM) September 8, 2020
4. Moms who don’t do this…how?
You must really be committed to fitting into your jeans.
If you mean "cleaning the kids plates off by eating the rest of their nuggets and mac-n-cheese" then, yes, I do clean eating.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 8, 2020
3. I see a career in her future.
Not in animation, though.
love these super realistic disney princess face masks! pic.twitter.com/gNzE3ZrHF9
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 7, 2020
2. Yeah, you asked.
That’s what you get.
4-year-old: I can't find my shoes.
Me: Where's the last place you saw them?
4: My feet.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 8, 2020
1. Where to even start?
I honestly have no idea.
Last night, we were listening to Evanescence’s My Immortal and my 6 year old suddenly yells “SHE SOUNDS WORRIED WHAT HAPPENED DID A DUCK FALL OFF HER ROOF?”
And now I have many questions.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) September 6, 2020
These lists are just my absolute favorite!
Which of these are you ready to share with a mom or dad friend? Tell us in the comments!