You know that kids really do say the dardnest things – there was even a television show about it, so it must be true – and our own kids throw around comments every single day that make us stop and think.
They might be funny, they might be deep, or they might give us a total existential crisis, but anyone who thinks kids don’t have serious ruminations much never have spoken to one.
Here are 17 things people heard from kids that they haven’t been able to forget.
17. He probably asked them all before coffee, too.
“What are those? Is this the morning when we wake up? What’s a planet?”
Asked all at once then he ran off and pretended to be a super hero.
16. It will break your heart.
I’m a single dad. My wife died when my son was 13 months old. When he wasn’t even two yet, (probably around 20 months or so), he looks at me one day and says, “Dady, where’s MY momy?”.
It completely caught me off-guard. I hadn’t expected him to really notice the difference between himself and the other kids at day-care for a lot longer but it was clear he had noticed that all the other kids had moms and dads, and he wanted to know where his mom was.
15. Two-year-olds, man.
My nephew, 2 years old. We heard a sound come from his room while he was supposed to be in bed, and went to check on him. He’d managed to somehow make the talcum powder bottle explode all over him and the room. He tried to pretend nothing had happened, so we put him in front of the mirror. First words, “Uh oh”.
Then we ask “Why did you do that?”.
“Because I’m sorry?”
Best answer ever.
More of a statement than a question, but epic nonetheless. And an answer we could all use…
14. He’s asking the important questions.
My Son: Hey dad, when are you gonna die?
Me: I don’t know, hopefully not for a long time.
My Son: Oh…well when you and mom die I want new parents.
Me: You what?
My Son: I love you guys, but I need parents. I’m not old enough to use the stove.
Very pragmatic for a 4 year old.
13. He was really thinking about it.
My little brother once asked “why do I have two eyes if I only see one thing?”
Fairly easy to explain to him now, but that was damn impressive for a 4 year old.
I don’t remember it, but my dad and I were driving around when I was about 7 or 8.
We come to a stop at a red light, and out of the blue I ask, “Hey dad, would a shaved baby gorilla look like a really ugly baby, or would it look like a gorilla.”
He peed laughing.
11. It starts young.
Son: “Daddy, do you like my penis?”
Me: “Um, it’s alright I guess. Do you like your penis?”
Son: “I think it’s great! Especially when it gets STROOOOONG!” (As he flexed both arms).
10. That lesson might take awhile.
I teach swimming lessons. My favorite question has been “when do we learn how to breathe underwater?”
9. This is a lot first thing in the morning.
I was staying at a friends house and when I woke up in the morning her 4 y.o. was sat right in front of me:
Him: Do you have a willy?
Him: I have a willy. Can I see yours?
Me: …..(I had to think for a few moments) because it’s mine
Him: oh (looks sad)
same kid shows my his mom’s bra and said with his ‘i know something you don’t know’ face
‘This is so my mammy’s boobies don’t fall off’
I pissed myself laughing at that.
8. None of us do.
“Where do thoughts come from?”
I had nothing.
7. A clever conclusion.
My 5 year old son asks me this kind of stuff all of the time. It’s amazing to watch their brains grow and their reasoning skills develop. Last week he asked me why flies think gross stuff smells good and good stuff smells gross. Im thinking, okay, how do I explain this at a kiddie-level when he came up with his own hypothesis. He figured, their lungs are upside down.
I had to call my wife to tell her.
6. Long suffering.
This year at christmas, my aunt wrapped my 3 year old cousin’s present three separate times to bug her. After unwrapping the first two layers, she looked up at sighed “is this really necessary?”
I love when kids make adult comments like that. My cousin was in his booster seat in the back of the car, my Nana got into the seat in front of him. He sighed and went “Nana, your hair’s in a right state! You need to get another perm”
We were also in the car once driving past a car sales place that had closed down, and he says “Lillaena, did you know that that garage went bankrupt? It’s under new ownership” I know he was probably just repeating what his Dad had told him, but still pretty funny hearing that coming from a kid in a booster seat.
5. A horrifying realization.
Once, as I was leaving work, I passed a young boy and his mother in line for the cash register. The little boy looked up at his mum and said “Mummy, what is this?”. She replied, “It’s a line, sweetie.”
The kid then looked around, wide-eyed, and shouted, “Oh my God – I’m in a Line!”
4. He works for NASA now. Probably.
When I was in kindergarten, a magician came to our class. He had a handkerchief and he said he was going to make it disappear into the 4th dimension.
One of the kids in my class raised his hand and asked, “Isn’t the 4th dimension time?”
3. A tough concept to grasp.
That reminds me of the time my mom took my sister and me to Disney World. I was about 12 and my sister was only 3. We were waiting in line for my sister to meet the princesses. It was one of those zig zag lines through the ropes.
She didn’t seem to grasp the concept of waiting in line and kept saying. “But they are right there. Why don’t we just walk over there.”
My mom tried to explain that we have to wait for the other people to get up there first and she said “then why don’t they just walk over there?”
2. It would be easier to take care of.
When my grandma told our family that she was getting married again (10 years after her husband had died), my cousin, who was about 5, asked her why. She said that she really liked our Grandpa-to-be and he talked to her and made her not feel lonely.
My cousin then asked, “Why don’t you just get a parrot?”
1. Definitely not real, future physicist.
I heard a 7 year-old ask if time was real or just something we measured with a clock.
I could honestly read through lists like this all day.
What’s the best thing your kid has said? Let’s keep the fun going in the comments!