The Little Mermaid has become a bit of a conundrum for me as I’ve aged and grown into the grouchy, coffee-stained feminist sitting behind this keyboard today. Because while she’s undoubtedly too young to know what she wants, to get married, to sign contracts, and she also puts her selfish desires above the actual lives of her family…the movie has the best songs.
Literally the best of all Disney canon. Fight me.
If you’re with me and love The Little Mermaid in spite of its glaring character flaws, you’re going to be grinning along with this list of 17 things about the movie that you’ll never really be able to move on from, no matter how many candles there are on your birthday cake.
#17. You see Scuttle’s hair when you look in the mirror.
Some days having an actual brush doesn’t make a bit of difference.
#16. How on earth did Flounder get that giant cement statue of Eric into the grotto?
It defies physics and we know it.
#15. You’re dying for the 30th Anniversary release.
Never-before-seen bonus features? YES PLEASE.
#14. You’d be down with more musical numbers in real life.
It’s better than talking.
#13. You’re still curious how Ariel never got a sunburn.
She’s the envy of gingers everywhere.
#12. What the heck are those things Ursula turns people into?
Is that what everyone looks like when they lose their soul or just fishy-people?
#11. We will never understand why Ariel didn’t write Eric a note to explain everything.
And don’t tell me she can’t write English because she signed her name perfectly on Ursula’s contract.
#10. Ariel’s always-perfect hair.
Do all mermaids have picture perfect hair all the time or is it just her? The world wonders…
#9. You wanted to fist bump Ariel for relaxing in that big bed alone.
And now that you’re married, you want to tell her to enjoy it all the more.
#8. If someone asked you to “pass the dinglehopper” you wouldn’t even hesitate.
It’s how I weed out friends, personally.
#7. You wonder whether Chef Louis and Sebastian ever became friends after Ariel and Eric tied the knot.
I assume he visited on Meatless Mondays.
#6. You assume eels are evil.
Because Flotsam and Jetsam played the parts so well.
#5. We belt out “Part of Your World” whenever we’re alone.
Even if we’re introverts who would really rather not be around people. Like, ever.
#4. You flinch a little when someone serves you crab.
#3. You pretty much believe Ariel’s world exists.
I’ve taken up scuba diving, even, but the merfolk like to stay hidden.
#2. You know The Notebook ripped off that romantic canoe scene from Ariel and Eric.
It’s a lagoon. It’s blue. There’s a canoe. Delete the swans and it’s a match.
#1. We identify more with Ursula now that we’re parents.
I mean, she never lied to Ariel or anything. It’s not her fault the stupid teenager thought she was invincible.
And Prince Eric is the hottest prince. Fight me again.