Kids are a lot of things, but almost all of them are liars. Funny ones, to be sure, because most of them are terrible at both coming up with a believable lie and executing it well enough to be believed.
If you’re worried you’re raising a little pathological weirdo, don’t be – the lies these 17 kids have tried will have you feeling better before the end of the post.
17. Dad was pretty smart.
I wrote on the wall when i was very little. My dad asked me if I did it. I responded “No, Todd did it” (there is no Todd) he says “oh” walks out of the room, comes back 5 minutes later and tells me “I just got off the phone with Todd’s mom, Todd said you did it. “….checkmate.
16. Seeking attention.
My mother got called by school for my (much) younger sister when she was 6/7 on the occasion of her having shown up at school with a black eye.
Principal: “Mrs. H, I think we have an issue with your daughter’s cousin Rebecca…”
Mom: “She doesn’t have a cousin named Rebecca.”
Principal: “I’ll get back to you.”
Fifteen minutes later:
Principal: “I think we’ve gotten to the bottom of things. It seems that your son’s girlfriend is the issue.”
Mom: “My son is gay and he’s been in London for the past several months.”
Principal: “I think you should come in.”
My mother arrives at my sister’s school under heavy suspicion of being a child abuser. She takes one look at my sister and says to her: “wipe that s*%t off now.”
My sister had taken mascara and painted herself a black eye. When asked why she would do such a thing, she replied: “I wanted to see how everyone would react.”
15. In a nutshell.
Son walks into bedroom about 5AM.
Son “My pants are wet.”
Me “Did you pee the bed?”
Son “No.”
Me “Then how are they wet?”
Son “Water.”
Me “What water?”
Son “From my body.”
Me “So you peed your bed.”
Son “No.”
Me “Then what water?”
Son “The water from my wee wee.”
Me “So you peed your bed.”
Son “No. I peed my pants.”
Me “Where were you?”
Son “In bed asleep.”
Me to wife “Am I going crazy?”
And that, folks, is parenting.
14. That was a close one.
When my daughter was in primary school she came home with a big red mark on her upper arm. When we asked her about it she said her teacher (male) had done it.
My husband was furious and went straight to the headmaster the next day. He pulled the teacher in for questioning, who was shocked and denied doing it very vehemently.
Then my daughter was called in, and she finally admitted that she’d given herself some kind of Chinese burn but when she saw the big red mark she was scared she’d get in trouble.
I’m just relieved she told the truth in the end. Just think what she could have done to that poor man’s career.
13. Extremely odd.
When I was in preschool I told everyone I had pet goats. We had no pets, not even a gold fish so I have no idea why I conjured up a goat in my little brain. We also lived in New Jersey by the shore so it’s not even like it was common for anyone to have farm animals.
Anyway, I kept this lie up really well for a kid. If I had a scratch I’d say my goats did it. I’d come in every morning and wash my hands because “I was playing with the goats before I came in.” They had names too but I don’t remember them. Unfortunately my goat fantasy all came crashing down when my teacher asked my mom to bring in our goats for show and tell, as we were learning about farm animals.
My moms thought she had the wrong parent but my teacher persisted. They called me over to explain and I was caught. I was extremely nonchalant about it. My teacher thought I was extremely odd for it but my mom found it hilarious and still jokes about it.
12. I’m not sure that’s how they sound.
My daughter was 3 and farted loudly, then said “that was a woodpecker.”
11. It’s raining!
Yesterday. My nearly 4 yr old used the garden hose to soak the dog. When confronted he insisted the dog was wet because it had rained. I noticed he’d peed his pants too and mentioned it.
He denied that and said his pants got wet while he was spraying the dog.
10. Go big or go home.
My kid was having trouble making it to the bathroom before he pooped his pants. I was always telling him “If you need to go potty, just put down what you’re doing and go. Whatever it is can wait” I guess he took that to mean he was in trouble, despite the fact I stressed time and time again that I wasn’t upset.
So one day he comes streaking into the living room, naked from the waist down, and starts excitedly telling me this long and involved story about how he was in the bathroom minding his own business. When suddenly the dog kicked in the door, ripped his pants off, attacked him, and pooped in his pants that were laying on the floor. The dog in question is a 16 year old blind and deaf chihuahua btw.
Wish I could remember the whole story he told me. It was hysterical.
9. Red-handed.
coming around the corner into the kid’s room
“Alright, who got into mommy’s makeup?”
“Amber did it!”
Amber’s mouth looked like a mouth. My other child had colored/smeared the bottom third of their face with fushia lipstick. It was still on their hands, too.
8. Those dang fairies.
My godson (around 3 or 4 at the time) came to the porch from the back of the house, his trousers dripping wet. He honestly claimed that while he was playing in the garden, someone came and peed in his pants.
7. They think we were born yesterday.
“have you been eating crayons?”
“no” {with blue teeth.}
6. So many naughty dogs.
When my son was 3 he was going through this stage if peeing on thr toy shelf upstairs. He tried blaming it on his brother, then his dad, then me and finally decided it was actually the dog…
The dog who has never been upstairs in its life. He thought for sure I’d buy his story.
5. Deny, deny, deny.
When I was a teen and babysitting the siblings, my baby brother, then a toddler and who is now a Marine, disappeared while we were watching TV. I got up to get a drink from the kitchen and I found him sitting on a stool, pushed up to the sink so he could see the screen over the counter, with the Tupperware tub of sugar in front of him. The lid on the counter, his little arm in the tub up to the elbow, fist clamped around another handful, and sugar all over his face, shirt, shorts, the counter, sink, and floor.
I shouted his name, “What are you doing?!”
“Nothing.”
“You’re eating sugar out of the container!”
“No I’m not! I’m telling!”
4. Laughs for everyone.
We were waiting in line for a ride at LegoLand that our 4yo was very excited for and could do by himself.
The attendant was asking every child their age before they got on the ride. We hadn’t thought to talk to him about why.
When he got to the front of the line, the attendant asked him his age. He hesitated and looked at us. We reassured him. Then as cool and confident as could be he said “um … 18.”
Everyone within ear shot was rolling. Apparently he was worried that he wasn’t old enough.
3. Always blame the cat.
Have you been eating chocolate milk mix? “No”…
What about the chocolate on the edges of your mouth?
“The cat wanted some.”
2. They do grow up fast.
I’m a preschool teacher. One of our three year olds who is verrry smart told me “today’s my last day as a kid… I start college on Saturday” and let out a huge sigh.
1. Seems legit.
After my kid looted the candy jar…
‘Where you got that candy from son?’. ‘Uhh, I found it in my mouth’.
Seriously, it’s just a phase.
You might as well laugh at it while you can.