One of my biggest hopes for my kids – and one of the biggest reason we decided to have more than one – is that they will be friends, and supporters, for each other long after we’re gone.
I can’t be alone in those hopes, and it’s sad to me to think that my kids might not be friends as they grow.
The sad truth is, of course, that you can’t control your kids, and if you have a couple whose personalities just clash, there’s a good chance that, though they might love each other because they’re family, they might not be friends beyond that.
It doesn’t have anything to do with how great a parent you are, how much you let them fight it out, or make them hug each other before bed, or how many fond memories they have of growing up in the same house with the same parents.
Some people just don’t end up having enough in common to keep them in touch on a regular basis.
Other factors can also come into play – whether or not you decide to marry and whom, whether you all have kids around the same time, whether your parents are still alive and hosting family gatherings – but for real, deep friendships to develop, common ground and that mysterious “click” always has to be present.
If your kids end up being adults who are there for each other when they need it, and who show up for the important things, you might have to be okay with that.
It’s better than nothing, and you’ve taught them the meaning of family, and of commitment, so good on you.
I still hope my boys end up texting each other every day, grabbing beers and doing trivia night, and are the best men in each other’s weddings.
I have a few years to come to grips with the idea that they might not, so in the meantime, I’ll be over here enjoying the fantasy.